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Jack Handy Gift Person Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Jack Handy Gift Person" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so innocent. but I know that secretly, they're watching my every move and plotting to beat me over the head with a large steel pipe and take my shoe.
Jack Handy
25 Likes
Animals quotes
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If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness
Jack Handy
17 Likes
Weakness quotes
Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.
Jack Handy
25 Likes
Love quotes
I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks.
Jack Handy
5 Likes
Money quotes
Weapons quotes
Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window.
Jack Handy
6 Likes
Love quotes
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If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward.
Jack Handy
16 Likes
Danger quotes
Cowardice quotes
If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward.
Jack Handy
19 Likes
Cowardice quotes
Danger quotes
I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, Yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.
Jack Handy
12 Likes
Money quotes
Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words mank and ind. What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.
Jack Handy
16 Likes
Love quotes
It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money. - Deep Thoughts ( Saturday Night Live).
Jack Handy
18 Likes
Money quotes
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My father was very much a handy person round the house, and I learnt a lot of carpentry from him.
John Henry Carver
0 Likes
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
Jack Handy
13 Likes
Love quotes
It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, an angel gets set on fire.
Jack Handy
15 Likes
Funny quotes
Angels quotes
The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole and started to drink. But then he looked around and saw skulls and bones everywhere. Uh-oh, he thought. This watering hole is reserved for skeletons.
Jack Handy
12 Likes
Drink quotes
Kindness is a gift, be generous and share that gift with others today. Show them your's smile, let them hear your Thank You and feel your hug!
Unknown
15 Likes
Kindness quotes
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Forgiving you is my gift to you. Moving on is my gift to myself.
Unknown
83 Likes
Forgiveness quotes
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Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.
Jack Handy
7 Likes
Books quotes
He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, Dust to dust, some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, I'll be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun.
Jack Handy
19 Likes
Women quotes
So many of have to stumble across the misfortune of another before realizing how truly blessed we are. I myself am guilty of this very thing. It is a lesson I've had before, but am grateful for the review. Help when you can. It is not just a gift to the person you are helping, but a gift to yourself. For me, an eye opening event just when I needed it most.
Scarlet Koop
16 Likes
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Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.
Jack Handy
8 Likes
Ambition quotes
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