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Jokes For Adults Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Jokes For Adults" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humor is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude.
Frank Muir
0 Likes
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Did you hear about the new reversible jackets? I can't wait to see how they turn out.
Nikhil Saluja
226 Likes
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The child learns so easily because he has a natural gift, but adults, because they are tyrants, ignore natural gifts and say that children must learn through the same process that they learned by. We insist upon forced mental feeding and our lessons
Rabindranath Tagore
29 Likes
Children quotes
Adulthood quotes
Blacks have been in the position of having to rebel since day one. It's only natural. Black people are the lowest on the totem pole. When kids reach adolescence that's often how they feel. They feel like they are adults, but they're not treated that way. Blacks are this country's perpetual adolescents.
Laurence Fishburne
3 Likes
Children from the age of five to ten should watch more television. Television depicts adults as rotten SOB's, given to fistfights, gunplay, and other mayhem. Kids who believe this about grownups aren't likely to argue about bedtime.
P J O'Rourke
1 Likes
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Why are we surprised when politicians play politics? It's not like they are supposed to be real adults... they are, after all, politicians and don't have real jobs and aren't playing around with their money.
Unknown
3 Likes
Money quotes
It distresses me that parents insist that their children read or make them read. The best way for children to treasure reading is to see the adults in their lives reading for their own pleasure.
Kate DiCamillo
5 Likes
From a very early age, I remember thinking that adults were always acting like assholes. I couldn't understand why I had to respect them. My pre-school teacher forced me to write right-handed when I was left-handed. I didn't get why I had to change. Nobody could give me a reason. I have had a big problem with authority ever since.
Jessica Alba
9 Likes
I think there was an absolute, deep gap between consensual relations between adults, which people may like or dislike, and people who physically impose themselves on children or misuse their authority to impose on children.
Barney Frank
1 Likes
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
Garry Shandling
103 Likes
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I was born in Alabama. I was raised in Georgia. I'm so Southern I'm related to myself. I have a 12-year-old daughter. She takes after my daddy. She ought to. She's his.
Brett Butler
200 Likes
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I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
Tommy Cooper
41 Likes
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When there are no women on the tour it can get awful and ugly - constant horrible jokes and gross behaviour. It needs to be leavened with a feminine presence.
Evan Dando
2 Likes
The reason most comedies don't win awards is that the filmmakers put the comedy first. This means you have to create a story around the jokes.
Paul Feig
0 Likes
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
152 Likes
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If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made broccoli a lot more fun to hunt!
Unknown
74 Likes
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If a red head guy works at a bakery, does that make him a ginger bread man?
Unknown
78 Likes
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Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pi.ps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pi.p is a whole other thing.
Chris Rock
11 Likes
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Tommy Cooper
44 Likes
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Boy: Why can't tampons talk? Girl: Because they're stuck up bi...es.
Dylan Nace
227 Likes
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