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Rip Joan Rivers Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Rip Joan Rivers" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.
Joan Rivers
21 Likes
Gifts quotes
God quotes
The Present quotes
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On Ecstasy, Joan Rivers looks like Pamela Anderson, so imagine what Pamela Anderson looked like.
Tommy Lee
5 Likes
Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
Joan Rivers
9 Likes
Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
Joan Rivers
16 Likes
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
Joan Rivers
7 Likes
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Victoria Beckham is so nasty, Why doesn't she just go home?! Her dresses are beautiful, but I don't care what she does. She's mean to all the people around her. She's too short to be a diva. We all use the same hairdressers, make-up artists, limo-drivers and greeters at the airports in LA and nobody has anything nice to say about her. They say she's rude. She can't always just be having a bad day.
Joan Rivers
11 Likes
I tried to contact Johnny to reconcile our friendship, a million times, but he just wasn't having it. When he passed away, I felt such a crushing blow, that things were still unresolved. Johnny was a dear friend, I wish things would've ended different, this just was not worth it.
Joan Rivers
12 Likes
I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers
4 Likes
Optimism quotes
I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers
2 Likes
Optimism quotes
I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door...or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers
4 Likes
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The average airplane is 16 years old, and so is the average airplane meal.
Joan Rivers
6 Likes
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
Joan Rivers
8 Likes
Birth Control quotes
Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.
Joan Rivers
6 Likes
History quotes
The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
Joan Rivers
18 Likes
Funny quotes
Christmas quotes
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Everybody rip the swag off, before I rip the tag off. Why my pants sag off? Cause I'm rapping my a.. off.
Kanye West
144 Likes
Swag quotes
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Ill habits gather unseen degrees, as brooks make rivers, rivers run to seas.
John Dryden
0 Likes
Ill habits gather unseen degrees, as brooks make rivers, rivers run to seas.
John Dryden
1 Likes
Habit quotes
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
Joan Rivers
9 Likes
Happiness quotes
If youre going to be a romantic idol and try to get every teenage girl to love you, then youd be an a.. to come out and say youre gay. Ricky Martin was so smart. He did what he did, made his millions and then he said, Guess what, every body? Im gay...It didnt matter anymore because he didnt have to bring in 16-year-old girls.
Joan Rivers
181 Likes
We have our underwear 10, 12 years! Ladies just throw pantyhose out! I'd go through a crate of 'em a week! And the pantyhose rip for no reason! You just...*rip*. We have material that stops bullets and the pantyhose are ripping? It's built-in obsolescence! It's bullshit!
John Pinette
5 Likes
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