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Rip Joan Rivers Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Rip Joan Rivers" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Joan Rivers
4 Likes
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You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again
Joan Rivers
6 Likes
Being A Woman quotes
Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
Joan Rivers
2 Likes
She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.
Joan Rivers
10 Likes
Funny quotes
Putdowns quotes
Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
Joan Rivers
14 Likes
Sex quotes
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
12 Likes
Funny quotes
I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
2 Likes
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers
33 Likes
Funny quotes
Lying about having work done is such a put-down to women. It says to the average woman: 'I'm beautifully naturally and you're not.'
Joan Rivers
8 Likes
I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
5 Likes
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I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
0 Likes
I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
Joan Rivers
12 Likes
Funny quotes
Religious quotes
I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
5 Likes
Exercise quotes
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
Joan Rivers
5 Likes
Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
Joan Rivers
8 Likes
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
Joan Rivers
7 Likes
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Joan Rivers
16 Likes
Men And Women quotes
How stupid can you get? Christina must have been thinking about food, thats why she forgot the words. Shes gotten so big. She looks like she could eat Lady GaGa. Great way to get rid of competition.
Joan Rivers
6 Likes
Don't tell your kids that you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say 'Melissa, you ripped me to shreds', now go back to sleep.
Joan Rivers
6 Likes
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
Joan Rivers
2 Likes
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