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Steven Wright Phone Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Steven Wright Phone" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright
6 Likes
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I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'
Steven Wright
2 Likes
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright
2 Likes
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
46 Likes
Funny quotes
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
Steven Wright
44 Likes
Friends quotes
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright
3 Likes
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright
5 Likes
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
Steven Wright
13 Likes
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
Steven Wright
10 Likes
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, Well, what do you need?
Steven Wright
6 Likes
Canada quotes
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Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Steven Wright
59 Likes
Funny quotes
Curiosity quotes
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven Wright
2 Likes
Museums quotes
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
43 Likes
Funny quotes
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
2 Likes
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright
9 Likes
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Steven Wright
10 Likes
God quotes
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright
5 Likes
Employees quotes
How young can you die of old age?
Steven Wright
24 Likes
Funny quotes
Age quotes
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
Steven Wright
9 Likes
God quotes
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."
Steven Wright
45 Likes
Funny quotes
Morning quotes
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