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Daniel Tosh Completely Seriousompletely Serious Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Daniel Tosh Completely Seriousompletely Serious" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Sometimes my mind wanders; other times it leaves completely.
Daniel Tosh
43 Likes
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Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
Daniel Tosh
45 Likes
Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
Daniel Tosh
68 Likes
Until I was thirteen I thought my name was Shutup.
Daniel Tosh
91 Likes
If you have ever typed 'sorry not sorry' I hope you die...not sorry.
Daniel Tosh
12 Likes
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The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
Daniel Tosh
46 Likes
No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all.
Daniel Tosh
132 Likes
If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
Daniel Tosh
46 Likes
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
Daniel Tosh
48 Likes
I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
Daniel Tosh
80 Likes
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a 2nd chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
Daniel Tosh
36 Likes
When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken.
Daniel Tosh
25 Likes
There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
Daniel Tosh
83 Likes
If you had to eat another human to survive, do you think they'd taste like their ethnic background?
Daniel Tosh
31 Likes
My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had... so he sent me to a girls school.
Daniel Tosh
38 Likes
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Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, 'Hey, at least I'm not pregnant.'
Daniel Tosh
159 Likes
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
Daniel Tosh
86 Likes
When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.
Daniel Tosh
42 Likes
When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.
Daniel Tosh
29 Likes
Finding my dog's g spot is taking way longer than I would care to admit.
Daniel Tosh
28 Likes
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