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Funny New Year Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny New Year Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.
Rob Corddry
11 Likes
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If the 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still 2?
Unknown
224 Likes
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I probably shouldn't be making any new resolutions this year...mainly because I'm still working on the ones from last year.
Unknown
21 Likes
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Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.
George Mikes
1 Likes
I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.
Billy Connolly
142 Likes
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I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.
Winston Spear
19 Likes
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There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the house next door, and it was very similar.
Geoffrey Parfitt
35 Likes
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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
Oscar Levant
93 Likes
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I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.
Tommy Cooper
20 Likes
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Foot: A special device for finding furniture in the dark.
Unknown
29 Likes
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I'm positive I lost an electron, I better keep an ion that.
Unknown
144 Likes
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I've got a very poor sense of direction. I keep forgetting which way is forwards.
Geoffrey Parfitt
13 Likes
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Want to hear the joke about the vacuum? Nevermind...It sucks.
Unknown
204 Likes
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
461 Likes
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Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don't have to.
Amit Verma
99 Likes
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I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
Jimmy Carter
123 Likes
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The fastest way to make your own Anti-freeze is to hide her nightgown.
Unknown
24 Likes
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I thought coq au vin was love in a lorry.
Victoria Wood
80 Likes
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I would say a crippled joke but I cant stand them.
Unknown
109 Likes
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I lost my coat, hopefully someone didn't jacket.
Unknown
78 Likes
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