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Funny New Year Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny New Year Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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What do you call a computer that can sing? A dell.
Unknown
208 Likes
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The ideal women does exist, but she is always married to another man.
Unknown
102 Likes
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Want to look skinny without losing any weight? Hang out with fat people.
Unknown
210 Likes
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I had a dream that I was drowning in orange soda. Turned out it was just a Fanta sea.
Unknown
93 Likes
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The fastest way to meet new people is to pick up somebody else's change at a cocktail bar.
Sam Ewing
25 Likes
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I write for Reader's Digest. It's not hard. All you do is copy out an article and mail it in again.
Milt Kamen
51 Likes
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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
Dennis Miller
44 Likes
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henry Youngman
370 Likes
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
Rodney Dangerfield
28 Likes
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My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?'
Steven Wright
72 Likes
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Condoms are like women...most of the time they're pretty annoying, but you need them to get laid.
Unknown
119 Likes
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My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
Bob Monkhouse
145 Likes
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The only thing we care about is gettin' girls & going to the gym.
Jersey Shore
37 Likes
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Eric Morecambe
44 Likes
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Robert Pattinson must be the only guy in the world who enjoys his girlfriend being on her period.
Unknown
75 Likes
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I once made love to a female clown, and she twisted my pe..s into a poodle.
Dan Whitney
109 Likes
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I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried...but they wanted cash.
Zach Manal
61 Likes
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Children always know when company is in the living room - they can hear their mother laughing at their father's jokes
Unknown
73 Likes
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Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window. If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in.
Nikhil Saluja
103 Likes
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The roses have wilted, The violets are dead, Sugar is lumpy And so is your head.
Unknown
112 Likes
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