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Daylights Saving Funny Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Daylights Saving Funny" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Before s.... you help each other get naked, after s.. you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you're fu..ed.
Unknown
2197 Likes
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It is impossible to put into words the quiet strength and incredible courage Dana Reeve demonstrated in the way she lived her life. With Chris, she gave voice to a movement to find life-saving cures and promote medical research, and when she lost her inspiration and love she didnt stop the fight. Only days after Chris death she continued to give hope to millions of Americans. She was an inspiration to me and to us all. Chris was Americas superhero, and Dana became our hero, too.
Senator John Kerry
36 Likes
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Spent the entire night trying to create a website for women drivers, but it kept crashing.
Unknown
696 Likes
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It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
Unknown
842 Likes
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This year, I'm going to buy all of my Christmas gifts from Nike...Made for kids by kids.
Unknown
51 Likes
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There should be a relationship status for I don't even know whats going on.
Unknown
38 Likes
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I can't believe it's been a year since I didn't become a better person.
Unknown
20 Likes
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My 'check engine' light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there.
Unknown
546 Likes
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Dear Crush, don't be scared if a fat guy in a red suit snatches you away on Christmas Eve. Sincerely, You Were On My Wish List.
Unknown
229 Likes
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Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition.
Hussein Nishah
526 Likes
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I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching...my car into reverse and driving away from the accident.
Unknown
563 Likes
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Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.
Unknown
41 Likes
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Facebook's timeline is my favorite way to watch girls from high school get fat.
Unknown
723 Likes
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Dear Santa, Please send your credit card numbers. its only fair since youre getting the credit for the gifts, that you should start paying for them also...
Unknown
59 Likes
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I dont make enough money to go on vacation, so I'm just going to get drunk this weekend until I dont know where I am.
Unknown
382 Likes
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A drunken man was dreaming that he died and reincarnated on earth as a chicken. He became heavy and tried to lay an egg! He pushed and pushed and laid the 1st egg, then the 2nd. He was pushing to lay a 3rd egg when his wife screamed ''James! You're shitting on the bed!"
Unknown
604 Likes
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I have an eating disorder. I be eatin DIS order of fries, and DIS order of nuggets, and DIS order of wings and so on, so on, you get it.
Unknown
291 Likes
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My pillow is my best hair styler, every morning I wake up with a new hair style.
Unknown
382 Likes
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Only this way the human life will escape its own burden, its own image, its own Destiny, the vanity, the deceit and the absurd, the strange coldness of this world, finally choosing the complete peace of the Nirvana it was looking throughout its historical evolution, a strange and absurd Nirvana itself in reference to the increasingly humble and insignificant being compared to it, to the stranger that replaces more often self and more inhumanly, that mocks her creating it a society increasingly petty and absurd. Is suicide the saving solution of the mankind? Is it not any other way through which man would chase away the alien within him, the absurd and the anxiety so that he can find his Sacred Self that was stolen so many millennia ago? What other way could there be except suicide?
Sorin Cerin
3 Likes
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My ideal man would be funny and fat with a beard. I love fat men. I like real men. I don't like really feminine men who tan. I don't understand that. I like a funny man, though. Russell Brand's not quite my type, but if he had a fat, bearded friend, that would be perfect.
Kesha
38 Likes
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