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Funny Confessions For Facebook Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Confessions For Facebook" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Does a prostitude file pregnancy as a work-related accident?
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645 Likes
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I just saved a whole bunch of money on my child support by switching to condoms.
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341 Likes
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Online dating is now like eating at Denny's thanks to photoshop, in person your order looks nothing like the photo on the menu.
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306 Likes
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Whenever you're feeling down, remember; you're the sperm that won.
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373 Likes
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I'm not saying she's a slut but whenever she eats a banana in public, she puts one hand behind her head.
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Ever looked back at your ex and asked yourself was I drunk the entire relationship?
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349 Likes
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Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system.
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145 Likes
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Before you marry someone, ask yourself, 'Will they be a good killing partner during the zombie apocalypse?'
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88 Likes
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Rick Ross shirts be looking like a sheet from a King size bed!
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120 Likes
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I wish Google maps had an, 'Avoid The Ghetto Route' option.
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230 Likes
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I'm not saying she's a slut, but I tried to put her name as my password and it said 'Error: too easy.'
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722 Likes
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Whoever said white men can't jump has clearly never played Temple Run.
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220 Likes
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The problem is, obesity runs in our family. No, the problem is no-one runs in your family...
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585 Likes
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Writing is the only trade I know of in which sniveling confessions of extreme incompetence are taken as credentials probative of powers to astound the multitude.
George V Higgins
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Snooki is expecting her baby on December 21, 2012. I guess the Mayans knew what they were talking about...
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576 Likes
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Vodka-$19.99. Motel-$54.99. Condoms-$2.99. Finding Out She Swallows... PRICELESS!!!!! fu.. Visa, It Pays To Discover!!!!!
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Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: 'Jim's whor.. house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.'
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558 Likes
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My dog thinks I am patting his belly...little does he know I am playing the most epic drum solo of all time.
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181 Likes
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If the professor doesn't show up to class in the first 15 minutes, you get to leave. Somebody make that a law, please.
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121 Likes
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A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.
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471 Likes
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