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Funny Ex Boyfriend Jokesd Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Ex Boyfriend Jokesd Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home.
Gene Perret
87 Likes
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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
Tim Vine
166 Likes
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Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.
Unknown
55 Likes
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Marriage is a workshop, where the husband works and the wife shops.
Unknown
633 Likes
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I know we're not saints or virgins or lunatics; we know all the lust and lavatory jokes, and most of the dirty people; we can catch buses and count our change and cross the roads and talk real sentences. But our innocence goes awfully deep, and our discreditable secret is that we don't know anything at all, and our horrid inner secret is that we don't care that we don't.
Dylan Thomas
77 Likes
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I'm not the girl who always has a boyfriend. I'm the girl who rarely has a boyfriend.
Taylor Swift
14 Likes
Everybody knows somebody who's Facebook relationship status should be 'Still banging my ex.'
Unknown
597 Likes
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In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
Les Dawson
182 Likes
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My feeling is, if a dog is that hard up to break free, let it go. It's like a boyfriend who wants to break up. We all know the old adage "If you set someone free, and he never comes back, then he was never yours." I understand the main fear with setting dogs loose is they could get hit by a car, but so could an ex boyfriend. That's just a chance you have to take.
Chelsea Handler
20 Likes
Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
Harry Hill
337 Likes
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I hate guys that have no respect for the fact that a girl has a boyfriend, and I hate girls that don't tell guys they have a boyfriend.
Unknown
152 Likes
I'm not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde.
Dolly Parton
30 Likes
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I'm not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde.
Dolly Parton
59 Likes
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I don't know what humor is. Anything that's funny -- tragedy or anything, it don't make no difference so [long as] you happen to hit it just right. But there's one thing I'm proud of -- I ain't got it in for anybody. I don't like to make jokes that hurt anybody.
Will Rogers
6 Likes
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My Ex Sent Me Ah Picture Too Remind Me What iM Givinq Up , iSent Him Ah Picture Of My New Boyfriend And Told Him iDgaf ! : )
Unknown
344 Likes
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There's a reason why BF stands for boyfriend and bestfriend, because they should be one and the same.
Unknown
465 Likes
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People: 'I love it when my boyfriend tells me how much he loves me.' Me: 'I love it when my microwave tells me my food is ready.'
Unknown
265 Likes
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I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about. And that's really it. You know, if I really wanted to enact social change I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change. I am far lazier than that.
Jon Stewart
59 Likes
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I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about. And that's really it. You know, if I really wanted to enact social change I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change. I am far lazier than that.
Jon Stewart
19 Likes
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I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about. And that's really it. You know, if I really wanted to enact social change I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change. I am far lazier than that.
Jon Stewart
35 Likes
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