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Funny Facebook Status Post Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Facebook Status Post" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Friends are like underwear, always near you. Good friends are like condoms, always protecting you. Best friends are like viagra, lift you up when you are down.
Unknown
2145 Likes
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Facebook is like boys, once you understand them they change.
Hussein Nishah
118 Likes
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All women crave attention, but Twitter and Facebook exposes all the women that can't function without it.
Mitchell Perry
457 Likes
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My Lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my Birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said "I wanna watch."
Unknown
1197 Likes
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Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: 'Jim's whor.. house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.'
Unknown
558 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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CONGRATULATIONS! You've won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
Unknown
305 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
I let some blind guy borrow money the other day. He said he was gonna pay me back the next time he saw me.....Wait.....
Unknown
573 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
Let's promise we'll always stay close friends but ultimately settle for periodic glances at each other's Facebook status updates.
Unknown
27 Likes
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I love it when I buy a bag of air & the company is nice enough to put some chips in.
Unknown
586 Likes
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Dear Jesus, I can afford wine. How about you start turning water into gas?
Unknown
260 Likes
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That awkward moment, when you're walking through the metal detector and your abs of steel set it off.
Unknown
436 Likes
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If the professor doesn't show up to class in the first 15 minutes, you get to leave. Somebody make that a law, please.
Unknown
121 Likes
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Vodka-$19.99. Motel-$54.99. Condoms-$2.99. Finding Out She Swallows... PRICELESS!!!!! fu.. Visa, It Pays To Discover!!!!!
Unknown
706 Likes
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Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'! Unless you wanna slam a revolving door, then that's not going to happen.
Unknown
198 Likes
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Mitt Romney should change his first name to Fetch, because he's never going to happen.
Unknown
113 Likes
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Showing your friend a funny video on YouTube and constantly checking their face to make sure they're enjoying it...
Unknown
1081 Likes
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If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards...it's actually about a magical boat that saves people.
Unknown
839 Likes
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That awkward moment when a black kid asks you to pass the skin colored crayon.
Unknown
264 Likes
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A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.
Unknown
471 Likes
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I probably could stand a chance on American Idol if I could bring my shower on stage.
Unknown
479 Likes
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