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In every circle of friends there's always that one person everyone secretly hates. Don't have one? Then it's probably you.
Will Ferrell
1154 Likes
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My resolution is to decipher the hidden meaning in your resolution.
Unknown
39 Likes
New Year Funny quotes
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I would love to be able to swim in the ocean in Malibu. But that is asking for a bikini shot. That's inviting something that I don't want to happen. I don't need to be on a 'Who's Skinny, Who's Fat, Who's Looking Healthy, Who's Not Eating?' list. I don't want my picture taken. The only time I think it's OK is at a red-carpet event or a photo shoot. So every time I see paparazzi, I cover my face so they don't get a picture, and I'm just 'the mean person who doesn't smile.'
Mary-Kate Olsen
13 Likes
This is one of those mornings where I'll be picking the marshmallows out of the Lucky Charms and throwing the rest away.
Unknown
430 Likes
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I wonder if fat drug dealers sell diet coke.
Charlie Sheen
2230 Likes
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All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can only hope that other people think that what you think is funny is funny. I don't have an answer but I just try to plough straight ahead.
Will Ferrell
12 Likes
I always write 'Wake Up' on my To-Do-List so I can at least accomplish one thing a day.
Unknown
813 Likes
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You've got higher grades than mine, not because you're smarter than me, but because I'm lazier than you.
Unknown
166 Likes
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Here's to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West for not making anyone else be married to them.
Unknown
240 Likes
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Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's funny.
Kiara Sellars
200 Likes
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If it bends, it's funny; if it breaks, it's not funny.
Kate O'Brien
0 Likes
what, I got to amit this is some funny shit!!!
Miranda :)
30 Likes
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I think I'm funny because my family, my siblings were funny.
Martin Short
14 Likes
It's not about trying to be funny all the time. It's more of a document that hopefully is funny.
David Cross
2 Likes
I don't know. I think it's funny! I think it's funny! I go, what? It's so absurd. I'm alone.
Danny DeVito
0 Likes
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I never thought I was funny, but I enjoy being funny.
Nora Dunn
14 Likes
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Will Rogers
2276 Likes
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I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.
Mark Russell
3 Likes
My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
Unknown
52 Likes
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It's been said good things come to those who wait... All I have to say is whatever is coming to me,better be freaking fantastic!
Nishan Panwar
547 Likes
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