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Jack Handy Walk Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Jack Handy Walk" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so innocent. but I know that secretly, they're watching my every move and plotting to beat me over the head with a large steel pipe and take my shoe.
Jack Handy
25 Likes
Animals quotes
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If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness
Jack Handy
17 Likes
Weakness quotes
Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.
Jack Handy
25 Likes
Love quotes
I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks.
Jack Handy
5 Likes
Money quotes
Weapons quotes
Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window.
Jack Handy
6 Likes
Love quotes
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If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward.
Jack Handy
19 Likes
Cowardice quotes
Danger quotes
If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward.
Jack Handy
16 Likes
Danger quotes
Cowardice quotes
I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, Yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.
Jack Handy
12 Likes
Money quotes
Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words mank and ind. What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.
Jack Handy
16 Likes
Love quotes
It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money. - Deep Thoughts ( Saturday Night Live).
Jack Handy
18 Likes
Money quotes
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I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
Jack Handy
13 Likes
Love quotes
It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, an angel gets set on fire.
Jack Handy
15 Likes
Funny quotes
Angels quotes
The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole and started to drink. But then he looked around and saw skulls and bones everywhere. Uh-oh, he thought. This watering hole is reserved for skeletons.
Jack Handy
12 Likes
Drink quotes
Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.
Jack Handy
7 Likes
Books quotes
He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, Dust to dust, some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, I'll be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun.
Jack Handy
19 Likes
Women quotes
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I used to think that one of the great signs of security was the ability to just walk away.
Jack Nicholson
1 Likes
Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.
Jack Handy
8 Likes
Ambition quotes
I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to help illustrate one of the human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when you kill someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is generosity, as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet.
Jack Handy
15 Likes
Money quotes
Just walk away make it easy on yourself. Just walk away please release me from this hell. Just walk away there's just nothing left to feel. Just walk away pretend that none of this is real.
Five Finger Death Punch
35 Likes
Just walk away make it easy on us both. Just walk away there was never any hope. Just walk away you already know the deal. Just walk away, pretend that none of this was, none of this was real.
Five Finger Death Punch
16 Likes
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