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Realistic Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Realistic Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Tommy Cooper
21 Likes
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What is the best s..ual position to create a gorgeous, charming absolutely attractive and cute baby?.... Ask my parents!
Unknown
201 Likes
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I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance...she leaned over and pushed me.
Anonymous
106 Likes
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French wine growers fear that this year's vintage may be entirely spoiled due to the g.... treaders' sit-in.
Ronnie Corbett
23 Likes
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I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby.
Dane Cook
76 Likes
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Dear math, grow up and solve your own stupid problems I'm sick and tired of doing it for you!
Unknown
195 Likes
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Last christmas my sister, Geri, gave me a lovely Cloth calendar. It only took me 5 hours to sew in a Doctor's appointment...
Robert Paul
67 Likes
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I grew up as the ugly duckling. I was the only one with a dark skin and therefor I didn't really fit in. A lot of people made jokes of me as 'the adopted one.'
Eva Longoria
13 Likes
The thing about all good horror movies is that the fans expect a couple of inside jokes. Maybe I'm supposed to be saying how terrified I was while making it, but it was really fun.
Margot Kidder
0 Likes
My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
Wendy Leibman
111 Likes
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I reserve the right to tell shaggy dog stories or even common jokes as part of what I'm doing. I don't give a damn if half the audience walks out.
David Antin
9 Likes
Set realistic goals and start on a small note. One step at one time - that should be your mantra. Starting on a small note gives you a sense of confidence and achievement which is very essential.
Anil Sinha
16 Likes
Goals quotes
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No one tells every white person in this country how to be. No one tells every Hispanic, or Asian or Jewish person in this cI've learned over the years that people are human and have mood swings, regardless of how talented they are. Today, I'm looking at life from a realistic point of view instead of the way I would want things to be. ountry how to be. There is no single definition of whiteness or single definition of blackness.
Montel Williams
14 Likes
I love the idea that we put in jokes the kids don't get. And that later, when they grow up and read a few books and go to college and watch the show again, they can get it on a completely different level.
Matt Groening
1 Likes
Im afraid of three things: Women, snakes, and the police. They all have the ability to hurt me and make it look like it was my fault.
Nikhil Saluja
308 Likes
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I had plenty of pi.ples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
Rodney Dangerfield
87 Likes
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A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
Ronnie Corbett
75 Likes
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Abstinence is practical and very realistic for some people, but others dont choose that path. For me, s.. education was in school, and there are always people telling you that there are consequences to s.. and blah blah, but you dont really realize it until youre in a situation where you are pregnant.
Bristol Palin
24 Likes
Abstinence quotes
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I don't consider myself a comic but a performer. A comic tells bad jokes.
Sandra Bernhard
2 Likes
Your momma is so fat, she climbed in the Grand Canyon and got stuck.
Unknown
36 Likes
Fat Jokes quotes
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