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It still feels too soon to introduce you to my cat.
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Having a pet is the reason I only spend 97% of the day thinking about myself.
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5 Likes
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I can always count on my dog to make me feel better about a bad hair day.
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9 Likes
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My cat has better manners than my friends.
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7 Likes
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The best part of owning a dog is getting to leave places to go walk it.
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I feel terrible getting my cat fixed and relegating it to the same sexless existence as me.
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7 Likes
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Sorry my parrot learned your sex noises.
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21 Likes
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I'm fine with being a cat lady if dating you is the alternative.
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9 Likes
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I take insults to my dog more personally than insults to myself.
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16 Likes
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There's nothing like watching cat videos to help me pass the time until I can see my cat again.
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My cat and I have decided to stay in tonight.
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3 Likes
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My dog growls at strangers because I can't.
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4 Likes
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Let's adopt a dog for you to take care of.
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5 Likes
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I wonder if my cat would think I'm too clingy if it ever saw how many of its pictures are on my Facebook page.
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13 Likes
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If you're uncomfortable around my dog, I'm happy to lock you in the other room when you come over.
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8 Likes
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I wish I enjoyed anything as much as my dog enjoyed everything.
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5 Likes
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Having a dog is my favorite way to avoid the responsibility of having children.
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1 Likes
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I challenge you to find a more loyal pet on which to blame your farts.
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6 Likes
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Sorry I'm more emotionally available to my cat than I am to you.
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3 Likes
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Not wanting to scare my dog is the perfect excuse for never vacuuming my house.
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8 Likes
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