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Funny But True Facebook Statustus Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny But True Facebook Statustus" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Call me Spider-man because I'm in love with Mary Jane.
Unknown
235 Likes
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420 Facebook Status quotes
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Always take your drivers license pic STONED, that way whenever you get pulled over, the cop will think you always look like that.
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451 Likes
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Before you marry someone, ask yourself, 'Will they be a good killing partner during the zombie apocalypse?'
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88 Likes
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If you listen closely you can hear the gas pump tell your kid's college fund to go fu.. itself.
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636 Likes
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Friends are like bum cheeks, shit comes between them but they always stick together.
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332 Likes
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Never in my life have I seen a tombstone that read: Died for not forwarding that text to 10 people.
Unknown
475 Likes
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The problem is, obesity runs in our family. No, the problem is no-one runs in your family...
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585 Likes
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Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'! Unless you wanna slam a revolving door, then that's not going to happen.
Unknown
198 Likes
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Showing your friend a funny video on YouTube and constantly checking their face to make sure they're enjoying it...
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1081 Likes
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My Lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my Birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said "I wanna watch."
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1197 Likes
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My dog thinks I am patting his belly...little does he know I am playing the most epic drum solo of all time.
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181 Likes
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I wonder if Chinese tourists get upset when they buy a souvenir from America and find out it was made in China...
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364 Likes
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Dear vending machines, I'm sorry if my dollar isn't straight enough for you. Sincerely, stop being so homophobic.
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662 Likes
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If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards...it's actually about a magical boat that saves people.
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839 Likes
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Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: 'Jim's whor.. house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.'
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558 Likes
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That awkward moment when a black kid asks you to pass the skin colored crayon.
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264 Likes
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A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.
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471 Likes
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I probably could stand a chance on American Idol if I could bring my shower on stage.
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479 Likes
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Snooki is expecting her baby on December 21, 2012. I guess the Mayans knew what they were talking about...
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576 Likes
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Let's promise we'll always stay close friends but ultimately settle for periodic glances at each other's Facebook status updates.
Unknown
27 Likes
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