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Funny Clever Status Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Clever Status" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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I'm pretty sure I have a defective iphone 5, I keep pressing the home button and I'm still at work.
Unknown
264 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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Sometimes I walk through the baby aisle at the grocery store as a reminder to always use a condom.
Unknown
481 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I've been chewing for decades, how did I manage to f*ck that up?
Unknown
434 Likes
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The thirst people have because they want a Valentine.
Unknown
256 Likes
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Started writing poetry the other day. POETR, it's coming along nicely.
Unknown
210 Likes
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I last longer than Obamacare call center wait times.
Unknown
310 Likes
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No I didnt trip The floor looked like it needed a hug.
Unknown
2505 Likes
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A drunken man was dreaming that he died and reincarnated on earth as a chicken. He became heavy and tried to lay an egg! He pushed and pushed and laid the 1st egg, then the 2nd. He was pushing to lay a 3rd egg when his wife screamed ''James! You're shitting on the bed!"
Unknown
604 Likes
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Liking your own status, is like high-fiving yourself in public...
Unknown
201 Likes
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I have an eating disorder. I be eatin DIS order of fries, and DIS order of nuggets, and DIS order of wings and so on, so on, you get it.
Unknown
291 Likes
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When you're putting on jeans with holes and your foot goes through the hole.
Unknown
72 Likes
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There is nothing as disgusting as the feeling you get the moment that your finger breaks through the toilet paper.
Unknown
305 Likes
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Absolutely no one can text faster than a pissed off woman.
Unknown
589 Likes
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Is wondering who was the first to look at a cow and think: I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!
Unknown
223 Likes
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I hate that feeling when everyone around me is in a relationship and I'm awkwardly sitting there like...I love my dog.
Unknown
397 Likes
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If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.
Hussein Nishah
317 Likes
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I hate you but you were always there for me to not make me look ridiculous. I appreciate what you did for me. Thank You Auto-Correct.
Unknown
149 Likes
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On a scale from Kristen Stewart to Nicki Minaj, how many different facial expressions do you have?
Unknown
264 Likes
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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Unknown
617 Likes
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Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
Unknown
2640 Likes
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