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Funny Dad Jokeshead Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Dad Jokeshead" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
If it tastes funny, don't eat it. If it looks funny, call a doctor. If it is funny, it must have been something I said.
Unknown
189 Likes
Humor quotes
Silly quotes
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I was always a kid trying to make a buck. I borrowed a dollar from my dad, went to the penny candy store, bought a dollar's worth of candy, set up my booth, and sold candy for five cents apiece. Ate half my inventory, made $2.50, gave my dad back his dollar.
Guy Fieri
4 Likes
I'm not so funny. Gilda was funny. I'm funny on camera sometimes. In life, once in a while. Once in a while. But she was funny. She spent more time worrying about being liked than anything else.
Gene Wilder
2 Likes
I remember I was in high school and it was very late at night. I was in the middle of watching It's a Wonderful Life and my dad came downstairs and wanted me to go to bed. But after he found out that I hadn't seen it before, he told me I had better stay up and watch it. So I stayed up until dawn, with my dad, watching the movie while it snowed outside. It was a beautiful moment and is something that really stands out in my mind. I'll cherish that moment forever.
Jeremy Piven
3 Likes
I wrote a letter to my dad, I was going to write 'I really enjoyed being here', but I accidentally wrote 'rarely' instead of 'really'. But I wanted to use it, I didn't want to cross it out, so I wrote 'I rarely drive steamboats, Dad. There's a lot of sh*t you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator.' I know this letter took a harsh turn right away.
Mitch Hedberg
18 Likes
Fathers quotes
Letters quotes
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I wrote a letter to my dad, I was going to write 'I really enjoyed being here', but I accidentally wrote 'rarely' instead of 'really'. But I wanted to use it, I didn't want to cross it out, so I wrote 'I rarely drive steamboats, Dad. There's a lot of sh*t you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator.' I know this letter took a harsh turn right away.
Mitch Hedberg
16 Likes
Fathers quotes
Letters quotes
Clubs are so lame. Nobody even dances at these clubs. They stand around and get drunk and they schmooze. There is no enjoyment factor. You get so many invites...partying has never interested me. My dad was a drug addict. There's something about watching your dad go through heroin withdrawal when you're 11. It's not interesting anymore. I'm not individualizing this. There are lots of kids that deal with this. I'm an '80s baby; that's what was going on.
Shia Labeouf
10 Likes
80s Baby quotes
So because of my act my daughter thinks she can talk to me about anything. She's been dating the same guy since high school and they go to the same college, and she calls me up one night and says 'Dad, I wanted to talk to you about Steve.' And all I can think is if she tells me she took it up the a.. I'm gonna drop dead on the phone. I mean what do you say to that 'Daddy, I don't like it in the butt.' Yeah, you and your mom both. So she says 'Dad, you know Steve and I have been together for a while, and he was wondering what it would be like to go all the way.' So I said 'Maybe I'll fu.. him then he won't have to wonder anymore.' See Steve that's what it's like to go all the way...would you stop crying?
Robert Schimmel
12 Likes
People ask me, do I blame Hollywood or my parents? No I dont blame my parents. It had nothing to do with them. I created it and manifested it and I got myself through it with the help of a lot of great people. When I look back at old photos, Im able to laugh at myself, in the same way I can show my dad [Lionel Richie] a picture of himself when he was in The Commodores with the Afro and the bell bottoms and hes like, Oh baby, thats so funny.'
Nicole Richie
5 Likes
Its funny because Im playing a dad in some scenes in Breaking Dawn and Im portraying one in a movie Im doing now as well. Im terrified about doing it. I dont know what Im going to do when it comes to those scenes. Ive been complaining so much about having the makeup on and contact lenses. Kristen [Stewart] is like, Youre so pathetic. You have to just get over it. Why cant you just get used to it? Now, since Kristen has to wear contact lens, too, I can finally be like, You will know what its like. Youre going to be in constant aggravation the whole time. Which is great.
Robert Pattinson
22 Likes
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I moved to New York to do theater, and I got cast in a play that was funny, and then I was the funny guy. I did a movie that was funny, and then I was the funny guy.
Steve Zahn
1 Likes
I worked at a clothing store once called Body. It was the coolest clothing store in the Valley. My dad made us sign a contract when we were 16 that if we crashed our car or did anything to our car, we were responsible for it. I got a job at the clothing store to pay to get my car fixed after a wreck. After that, I worked for my dad at his music company.
Kim Kardashian
10 Likes
Hayley: Oh my God. Dad, why is Hilary Duff in our house? Stan: Hilary is here of her own free will because she wants to have dinner with Steve. Steve: Hilary, could you pass the salt? Stan: (Holding gun to her head) Pass him the salt.
American Dad
50 Likes
To you Dad. As Fathers Day approaches, I find myself missing you more than usual. If only Facebook had a link to heaven. Happy Fathers Day Dad. I miss you.
Nishan Panwar
530 Likes
Fathers Day quotes
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Mom and Dad, For 50 years, youve been the ones who showed us how to live. Your marriage demonstrates it best, how to love and how to give. You always had a helping hand, a smile and a dose of cheer; Your selfless, sweet devotion kept us sheltered, year by year. Youve dealt with life like champions for half a century now; Youve blessed all those who know you; Mom and Dad, please take a bow!
Unknown
398 Likes
50th Wedding Anniversary quotes
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Hayley: It's just toast, Dad. Stan: This time it was toast, Hayley. This time.
American Dad
32 Likes
I remember watching Gilda Radner when I was a kid and everyone thought she was so funny and no one ever said that she was a funny woman, she was just funny.
Rachel Dratch
2 Likes
My swimsuit told me to go to the gym. But my sweatpants were like, Nah girl, you're good.
Unknown
86 Likes
Funny quotes
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It's time to renew that gym membership we're never going to use again.
Unknown
86 Likes
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I grew up doing musical theater. So, I was immediately attracted to the music and performance aspects of it. That fact that it's actually funny, not trying to be funny, but actually funny was appealing, too.
Chris Colfer
3 Likes
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