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Funny New Years Facebook Status Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny New Years Facebook Status" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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On a scale from Kristen Stewart to Nicki Minaj, how many different facial expressions do you have?
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264 Likes
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Whats the worst thing to do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
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327 Likes
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Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
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2640 Likes
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Everyones middle name should be, motherfu..in...try it. Doesn't it sound so great?
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370 Likes
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There is nothing as disgusting as the feeling you get the moment that your finger breaks through the toilet paper.
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305 Likes
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I don't care what they say, the first guy who milked a cow and drank it was a massive pervert.
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883 Likes
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If State Farm were such a good neighbor they'd come over and pick up all the dog shit in my yard.
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775 Likes
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If you don't have an iPhone I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 Emojis & you can't see none.
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187 Likes
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Call of Duty: MW3 comes out midnight tonight. I wonder how many relationships are going to end this week.
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539 Likes
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Dear Santa, what I want for Christmas is... your list with names of naughty girls.
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693 Likes
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I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits so when you add someone it'll say 'You are now friends with benefits!'
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639 Likes
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Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others are talking.
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473 Likes
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Ever looked back at your ex and asked yourself was I drunk the entire relationship?
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349 Likes
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Before you marry someone, ask yourself, 'Will they be a good killing partner during the zombie apocalypse?'
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88 Likes
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Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system.
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145 Likes
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Sorry the casting of Fifty Shades of Grey has caused you to completely revamp your mastur...... fantasies.
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63 Likes
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I just saved a whole bunch of money on my child support by switching to condoms.
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341 Likes
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Always take your drivers license pic STONED, that way whenever you get pulled over, the cop will think you always look like that.
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451 Likes
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I shaved my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire.
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705 Likes
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My stupid GPS can't find Rack City. bi....
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465 Likes
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