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Funny New Years Facebook Status Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny New Years Facebook Status" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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I saw a license plate yesterday that said "I Miss New York", so I smashed their window and stole their radio.
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649 Likes
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I always lock my front door before I get in the shower 'cause if a killer broke in & heard me singing I'd be HUMILIATED.
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764 Likes
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I think car horns should sound like gun shots....I bet you'll move then.
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Never in my life have I seen a tombstone that read: Died for not forwarding that text to 10 people.
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475 Likes
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Our sincere condolences to the next woman Michael Douglas gives Catherine Zeta-Jones' HPV to.
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26 Likes
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Does a prostitude file pregnancy as a work-related accident?
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645 Likes
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I wish Google maps had an, 'Avoid The Ghetto Route' option.
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Online dating is now like eating at Denny's thanks to photoshop, in person your order looks nothing like the photo on the menu.
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306 Likes
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Rick Ross shirts be looking like a sheet from a King size bed!
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120 Likes
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I stepped on a cornflake this morning...I'm a cereal killer now!
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294 Likes
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May the itch of a thousand crabs affect the one who ruins your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
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1005 Likes
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Hey I just met you, & this is crazy. But I'm on bath salts. You're face looks tasty!
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284 Likes
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Dear Internet Users, Someday u will regret not reading me. Sincerely, Terms & Conditions.
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1055 Likes
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Whenever you're feeling down, remember; you're the sperm that won.
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373 Likes
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I wish our s.. life was as passionate as your reaction to the casting news about Fifty Shades of Grey.
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67 Likes
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If you listen closely you can hear the gas pump tell your kid's college fund to go fu.. itself.
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636 Likes
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I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
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588 Likes
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A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
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585 Likes
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I get super paranoid whenever I walk into a store with something that they sell there...
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Whoever said white men can't jump has clearly never played Temple Run.
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220 Likes
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