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Funny Nightmare Joke Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Nightmare Joke" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a joke that has worked a bunch of times and then one night it'll flop. And that's when I really take a hard look at myself and say: 'Well, that crowd is obviously wrong. That crowd has absolutely no idea what it's talking about.'
Aziz Ansari
2 Likes
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Showbiz sucks...it's ridiculous, it's funny and it's all a joke. There are more interesting things to talk about than my hair colour, who I am dating or how short my skirt is. Millions of children are dying in Africa and they are talking about that shit.
Joss Stone
2 Likes
It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something.
Jack Handey
11 Likes
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Sorry the calendar played a cruel joke on you this year by making your birthday fall on a Monday.
Unknown
257 Likes
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My joke, which isn't really a joke, is that there will be one of two tours: the tour for the album that does well, or the tour for the album that stiffs.
Richard Marx
0 Likes
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If someone in a work environment says a racist joke, I'm the kind of person who says, 'I'm sorry, I don't find that funny, and I'd appreciate if you don't tell those kinds of jokes when I'm around.' And you can be looked at as, 'Wow, he's the bummer in the party.' But I just don't go for that.
David Schwimmer
9 Likes
Chevy Chase and Bill Murray - we thought those guys were funny. We love Bill Murray, but we didn't think they were right for Airplane! because it would step on the joke if there was a known comedian.
David Zucker
0 Likes
Laughter brings you to reality as it is. The world is a play of God, a cosmic joke. And unless you understand it as a cosmic joke you will never be able to understand the ultimate mystery.
Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
2 Likes
Laughter quotes
It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.
Bob Saget
7 Likes
Let's joke about how depressing Monday is to distract us from how depressing every day is.
Unknown
30 Likes
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I mean, first and foremost were just trying to make the best product we can and the internet becomes sort of a secondary thing. If a certain joke or scene picks up on the internet and takes off thats great. Although we never want someone to just get one scene or joke out of context. But sometimes well do a little short video or something for the internet hoping that that goes around just to stir up a little buzz for the show. But you know the internet is just a nice bonus to getting the show out.
Charlie Day
11 Likes
Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
Mitch Hedberg
2 Likes
DAD: Wanna Hear A Joke Son? SON: Yes DAD: pu... SON: I Don't Get It... DAD: EXACTLY!
Unknown
576 Likes
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Last week I did a thing on the Grammys with a Top 10 list. There was a Lindsay Lohan joke about her stealing a Grammy Award. The next day, I got a call from a guy who said, 'Lindsay thought the joke was hilarious! She wants to be on your show!'. I said, 'Great!' I called publicity and said, 'Get the press release out immediately!' It went around the world. People said, 'Are you kidding me?! This will be fantastic! This will be like the Super Bowl'... and then Lindsay Lohan says none of this is happening.
David Letterman
6 Likes
A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go about ten feet and pretend YOU got bit by a snake. Then start an argument about who's going to get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.
Jack Handey
10 Likes
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Comedy is so subjective. You could be in a room with 400 people laughing at a joke and you could just not think it's funny. You're just sitting there like, 'Am I in the twilight zone? Why is everyone laughing?' It's such a personal thing. People have such a personal visceral response to comedy.
Todd Phillips
2 Likes
Boy: "Wanna see a magic trick?" "Sure!" Boy: "POOF! Hey, you're single." Boy: "Wanna hear a joke?" Girl: "Sure?" Boy: "Our Relationship..."
Unknown
69 Likes
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Being a best friend is more than sharing a joke, a conversation, a cup of coffee or a funny story. It means sharing an honest and true part of yourself.
Unknown
90 Likes
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Welcome to my nightmare. I think you're going to like it. There'll be some more when you come down.
Alice Cooper
12 Likes
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Hello there, the angel from my nightmare.
Blink 182
40 Likes
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