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Funny Twitter Status Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Twitter Status" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Im real and I hope some of my followers are too.
Unknown
94 Likes
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Im not smart. I just wear glasses.
Unknown
84 Likes
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Ive never been a millionaire but I just know Id be darling at it.
Unknown
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Do not judge me before you know me, but just to inform you, you wont like me.
Unknown
112 Likes
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Just a reminder that you dont have to tell Facebook or Twitter goodnight...you can just shut up.
Unknown
264 Likes
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Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
Unknown
1203 Likes
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When I was a kid, I used to sing, 'A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P'
Unknown
2231 Likes
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There are two types of human beings found on Facebook. One who gets enormous amount of likes and comments on their posts. And the others are men.
Unknown
1102 Likes
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The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men apply the same theory to looking for a girlfriend.
Unknown
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HOLY CRAP IM GOING TO BE A DAD! Oh yea, I work in email marketing & I like craft beer too.
Unknown
21 Likes
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You think I'm not online. But I'm always here. Even if I'm not posting. I'm here. Scrolling. Judging.
Unknown
66 Likes
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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Unknown
222 Likes
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I have been called a PollyAnna, sugar-coated idealist. I like to think of myself as more optimistic than that.
Unknown
23 Likes
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Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'
Unknown
53 Likes
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I wonder if the clothes in China say, 'Made around the corner.'
Unknown
919 Likes
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Standing there in front of a closet full of clothes and thinking to yourself, 'I have nothing to wear!'
Unknown
137 Likes
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Before s.... you help each other get naked, after s.. you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you're fu..ed.
Unknown
2197 Likes
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A man of mystery and power, whose power is exceeded only by his mystery.
Unknown
62 Likes
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Spent the entire night trying to create a website for women drivers, but it kept crashing.
Unknown
696 Likes
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It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
Unknown
842 Likes
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