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Funny Twitter Status And Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Twitter Status And" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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I get super paranoid whenever I walk into a store with something that they sell there...
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37 Likes
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Ever looked back at your ex and asked yourself was I drunk the entire relationship?
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349 Likes
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Never in my life have I seen a tombstone that read: Died for not forwarding that text to 10 people.
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475 Likes
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That awkward moment when the teacher says slaves....and everyone looks at that one black kid in the class.
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162 Likes
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Hey I just met you, & this is crazy. But I'm on bath salts. You're face looks tasty!
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284 Likes
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May the itch of a thousand crabs affect the one who ruins your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
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1005 Likes
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I always lock my front door before I get in the shower 'cause if a killer broke in & heard me singing I'd be HUMILIATED.
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764 Likes
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I wish our s.. life was as passionate as your reaction to the casting news about Fifty Shades of Grey.
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67 Likes
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I'm not saying she's a slut, but I tried to put her name as my password and it said 'Error: too easy.'
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722 Likes
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I saw a license plate yesterday that said "I Miss New York", so I smashed their window and stole their radio.
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649 Likes
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Sorry the casting of Fifty Shades of Grey has caused you to completely revamp your mastur...... fantasies.
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63 Likes
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I stepped on a cornflake this morning...I'm a cereal killer now!
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294 Likes
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Our sincere condolences to the next woman Michael Douglas gives Catherine Zeta-Jones' HPV to.
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26 Likes
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The problem is, obesity runs in our family. No, the problem is no-one runs in your family...
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585 Likes
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A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.
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471 Likes
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If the professor doesn't show up to class in the first 15 minutes, you get to leave. Somebody make that a law, please.
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121 Likes
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I wonder if Chinese tourists get upset when they buy a souvenir from America and find out it was made in China...
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364 Likes
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That awkward moment when a black kid asks you to pass the skin colored crayon.
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264 Likes
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Snooki is expecting her baby on December 21, 2012. I guess the Mayans knew what they were talking about...
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576 Likes
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Dear Jesus, I can afford wine. How about you start turning water into gas?
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260 Likes
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