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Funny Twitter Status And Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Twitter Status And" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.
Hussein Nishah
317 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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Absolutely no one can text faster than a pissed off woman.
Unknown
589 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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Hey I just met you, and girl you look crazy, what brands your make-up, Crayola maybe?
Unknown
605 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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Chicken pot pie sounds like such a good idea. If you add commas.
Unknown
336 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
I don't see why everybody wants a white iPhone. Everyone knows the black one runs faster.
Unknown
575 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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I hate you but you were always there for me to not make me look ridiculous. I appreciate what you did for me. Thank You Auto-Correct.
Unknown
149 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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Is wondering who was the first to look at a cow and think: I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!
Unknown
223 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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If State Farm were such a good neighbor they'd come over and pick up all the dog shit in my yard.
Unknown
775 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
Thanks for inviting me to your baby shower, it reminded me to take my birth control pill.
Unknown
205 Likes
Funny quotes
Girls quotes
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I don't care what they say, the first guy who milked a cow and drank it was a massive pervert.
Unknown
883 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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Call of Duty: MW3 comes out midnight tonight. I wonder how many relationships are going to end this week.
Unknown
539 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
I hate that feeling when everyone around me is in a relationship and I'm awkwardly sitting there like...I love my dog.
Unknown
397 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Unknown
617 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
I'm not addicted to twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Unknown
82 Likes
Twitter quotes
Did you hear about the new reversible jackets? I can't wait to see how they turn out.
Nikhil Saluja
226 Likes
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Friends are like bum cheeks, shit comes between them but they always stick together.
Unknown
332 Likes
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Closing all the internet windows by the time your boss gets to your desk is like getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you.
Unknown
841 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
I'm not saying she's a slut but whenever she eats a banana in public, she puts one hand behind her head.
Unknown
297 Likes
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My stupid GPS can't find Rack City. bi....
Unknown
465 Likes
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I shaved my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire.
Unknown
705 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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