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Funny Twitter Status And Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Twitter Status And" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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I'm pretty sure the whole ladies first thing was created by a guy just to check out ass.
Unknown
2760 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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A drunken man was dreaming that he died and reincarnated on earth as a chicken. He became heavy and tried to lay an egg! He pushed and pushed and laid the 1st egg, then the 2nd. He was pushing to lay a 3rd egg when his wife screamed ''James! You're shitting on the bed!"
Unknown
604 Likes
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The internet is a stalker. Facebook asks what Im thinking. Twitter asks what Im doing. Foursquare asks where I am.
Unknown
56 Likes
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Liking your own status, is like high-fiving yourself in public...
Unknown
201 Likes
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I have an eating disorder. I be eatin DIS order of fries, and DIS order of nuggets, and DIS order of wings and so on, so on, you get it.
Unknown
291 Likes
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When I kill a bug in my house, I leave the dead body around for a bit to warn the others.
Unknown
436 Likes
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Whats the worst thing to do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Unknown
327 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
If you can't afford po.., just turn on women's tennis and shut your eyes...
Unknown
371 Likes
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Sorry your decision to quietly change your relationship status was broadcast to every single one of your Facebook friends.
Unknown
13 Likes
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They say you are what you eat. Well that's funny...I don't recall eating a s..y beast today.
Unknown
100 Likes
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When you're putting on jeans with holes and your foot goes through the hole.
Unknown
72 Likes
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On a scale from Kristen Stewart to Nicki Minaj, how many different facial expressions do you have?
Unknown
264 Likes
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That Rebecca Black moment when you get on the bus & don't know which seat to take.
Unknown
368 Likes
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Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
Unknown
2640 Likes
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I'm much more upset about Breaking Bad's shutdown than about the government's.
Unknown
107 Likes
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There is nothing as disgusting as the feeling you get the moment that your finger breaks through the toilet paper.
Unknown
305 Likes
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Whenever I talk with someone who stutters...I yell 'REMIX!' so they feel cool and shit.
Unknown
142 Likes
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If you don't have an iPhone I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 Emojis & you can't see none.
Unknown
187 Likes
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I hate it when I'm singing a song and someone joins in! Please, this isn't Glee!
Unknown
242 Likes
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Everyones middle name should be, motherfu..in...try it. Doesn't it sound so great?
Unknown
370 Likes
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