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Funny Twitter Status And Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Twitter Status And" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Whoever said white men can't jump has clearly never played Temple Run.
Unknown
220 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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I think car horns should sound like gun shots....I bet you'll move then.
Unknown
168 Likes
Clever Facebook Status quotes
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I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
Unknown
588 Likes
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Before you marry someone, ask yourself, 'Will they be a good killing partner during the zombie apocalypse?'
Unknown
88 Likes
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If you listen closely you can hear the gas pump tell your kid's college fund to go fu.. itself.
Unknown
636 Likes
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Always take your drivers license pic STONED, that way whenever you get pulled over, the cop will think you always look like that.
Unknown
451 Likes
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Call me Spider-man because I'm in love with Mary Jane.
Unknown
235 Likes
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420 Facebook Status quotes
Rick Ross shirts be looking like a sheet from a King size bed!
Unknown
120 Likes
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I wish Google maps had an, 'Avoid The Ghetto Route' option.
Unknown
230 Likes
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A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
Unknown
585 Likes
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Does a prostitude file pregnancy as a work-related accident?
Unknown
645 Likes
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I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering, 98 of them said: How the hell did you get in here?
Nikhil Saluja
208 Likes
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I said I'd be there in 5 minutes. Quit calling me every half hour.
Nikhil Saluja
277 Likes
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I just saved a whole bunch of money on my child support by switching to condoms.
Unknown
341 Likes
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Whenever you're feeling down, remember; you're the sperm that won.
Unknown
373 Likes
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They should name hurricanes with black people names. I'd be terrified of hurricane Shanaynay.
Unknown
307 Likes
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Opening your cabinet, seeing there's about to be an avalanche of stuff falling, and quickly closing it for the next person to deal with.
Unknown
567 Likes
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Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system.
Unknown
145 Likes
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Online dating is now like eating at Denny's thanks to photoshop, in person your order looks nothing like the photo on the menu.
Unknown
306 Likes
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Dear Internet Users, Someday u will regret not reading me. Sincerely, Terms & Conditions.
Unknown
1055 Likes
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