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Hilarious Funny Woman Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Hilarious Funny Woman" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Here's hoping Santa doesn't get killed using Apple Maps this Christmas.
Unknown
50 Likes
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This year I plan to start putting off my Christmas shopping extra early.
Unknown
58 Likes
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Pretending to believe in the Mayan apocalypse prophecy is a great way to get out of buying Christmas presents.
Unknown
32 Likes
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Merry Christmas to someone who'd care more about Baby Jesus if he was in Kate Middleton's uterus.
Unknown
14 Likes
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Buying me a Christmas gift on Cyber Monday is a great way to ensure I'll have s.. with you until Christmas.
Unknown
32 Likes
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An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."
Unknown
1496 Likes
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Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance. Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Affair. Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Marriage. Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy.
Unknown
704 Likes
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One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun. The woman doctor agrees to it. So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have s.. for an hour or so. Afterwards, the man says to the woman, You're a surgeon, aren't you? Yeah, how did you know? The man says, I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started. Oh, that makes sense, says the woman. Youre an anesthesiologist aren't you? Yeah, says the man, a bit surprised. How did you know? The woman answers, Because I didn't feel a thing.
Unknown
341 Likes
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It is not the intelligent woman v. the ignorant woman; nor the white woman v. the black, the brown, and the red, it is not even the cause of woman v. man. Nay, tis woman's strongest vindication for speaking that the world needs to hear her voice.
Anna Julia Cooper
8 Likes
It's funny how a hello is always accompanied with a goodbye. It's funny how good memories can make you cry, it's funny how forever never seems to last, it's funny how much you would lose if you forgot about your past, it's funny how friends can just leave when you're down, it's funny how when you need someone they never are around, it's funny how people change and think they're so much better, it's funny how some many lies are packed into one love letter, it's funny how one night can hold so much regret, it's funny how you can forgive but not forget, it's funny how ironic life turns out to be, but the funniest part of all, is that none of that is funny to me.
Unknown
565 Likes
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
Tommy Cooper
72 Likes
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Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.
Les Dawson
1182 Likes
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My favorite part of the holiday season is blaming my long-term weight gain on the holiday season.
Unknown
44 Likes
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Being a woman is a terribly difficult task,since it consists principally in dealing with men
Unknown
135 Likes
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Woman Law: My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Nikhil Saluja
79 Likes
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Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Unknown
134 Likes
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The modern woman is the curse of the universe. A disaster, that's what. She thinks that before her arrival on the scene no woman ever did anything worthwhile before, no woman was ever liberated until her time, no woman really ever amounted to anything.
Adela Rogers St Johns
10 Likes
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Getting my dragon was perhaps the biggest surprise. I was in Amsterdam and got a little crazy, dropping my pants at a tattoo parlour and woke up the next morning and saw this really funny dragon. Ive always wanted a dragon but this one had a funny blue tongue. To me a dragon is very much a woman, strong and elegant.
Angelina Jolie
7 Likes
When a woman says nothing's wrong that means everything is wrong and when a woman says everything's wrong that means everything is wrong. - Homer Simpson
The Simpsons
163 Likes
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Marriage is an institution in which a Man loses his Bachelors degree, and the Woman gets her Masters.
Nikhil Saluja
347 Likes
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