Funny Put Downs Quotes

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Total: 11783 Quotes
 Joan Rivers quotes 
 Funny quotes 
Suggest Revision: If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
 
 Jay London quotes 
 Funny quotes 
Suggest Revision: My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
 
 Ellen DeGeneres quotes 
 Funny quotes 
Suggest Revision: People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
 
 Les Dawson quotes 
 Funny quotes   Jokes quotes 
Suggest Revision: In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
 
 Sam Ewing quotes 
 Funny quotes   Jokes quotes 
Suggest Revision: A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.
 
 Tommy Cooper quotes 
 Funny quotes   Jokes quotes 
Suggest Revision: So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'
 
 Ellen DeGeneres quotes 
 Funny quotes   Jokes quotes 
Suggest Revision: People always ask me 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, I was an accountant.
 
 Craig Kilborn quotes 
 Funny quotes   Work quotes 
Suggest Revision: President Bush is trying to put a positive spin on the latest bad economic numbers. Today he declared victory in the 'War on Jobs.'
 
 Robert Paul quotes 
 Funny quotes   Work quotes 
Suggest Revision: The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny.
 
 Garrison Keillor quotes 
 Funny quotes   God quotes 
Suggest Revision: God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
 
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