No Ac Funny Jokes

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Total: 28658 Quotes
 Sam Ewing quotes 
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Suggest Revision: A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.
 
 Rodney Dangerfield quotes 
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Suggest Revision: With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
 
 Milton Berle quotes 
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Suggest Revision: A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
 
 Geoffrey Parfitt quotes 
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Suggest Revision: There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the house next door, and it was very similar.
 
 Les Dawson quotes 
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Suggest Revision: I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.
 
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Suggest Revision: People always ask me 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, I was an accountant.
 
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Suggest Revision: I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.
 
 Tommy Cooper quotes 
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Suggest Revision: So a man jumps into a taxi and says King Arthur's close and the taxi driver says, don't worry we'll lose him at the next lights.
 
 Bob Monkhouse quotes 
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Suggest Revision: My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
 
 Les Dawson quotes 
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Suggest Revision: In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
 
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