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Baby you light up my world like nobody else I whisper as I turn my laptop brightness up.
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I just want to put a banana on the floor run through the house and step on it just to see if ill fall like they do in cartoons.
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I don't know...let's Yahoo it! -Said by no one, ever.
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1st month of school: look nice and dress up. Rest of the school year: Rocking the homelss grandma look.
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I hope months of starvation, obsessive exercise, and painful grooming will get boys to notice the inner me.
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Let's discuss where to put a beach chair instead of where to put a mosque.
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I always appreciate you warning me about sunburn after I've gotten horribly sunburned.
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My favorite Facebook public offerings are still your beach photos.
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Sorry you're old enough to fear seeing Facebook photos of your friends in bathing suits.
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Please join me at the beach to help detract attention from my body abnormalities.
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Seeing beach residents refuse to evacuate makes me feel better about the array of terrible decisions I've made this year.
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The beach is a great place to relieve the soul-crushing stress you build up in the traffic going to the beach.
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Let's go spend a day at the beach checking our email.
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May the inherent stress and peril of unfolding a beach chair not sabotage your plans to relax this summer.
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I like long walks on the beach if that's where we're going to have sex.
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Shark Week is a great reminder there are fast-swimming creatures more intelligent than Ryan Lochte.
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14 Likes
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I wish IBM would create a computer to replace the people who watch Jeopardy.
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Game of Thrones makes me happy I'm not that close with my family.
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I'd be much more efficient if I could combine hating my job with hating Two and a Half Men.
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23 Likes
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You don't have to worry about me spoiling Game of Thrones for you because I have no idea what is going on.
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37 Likes
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