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Funny Facebook Status Alarm Clocks Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Facebook Status Alarm Clocks" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Never in my life have I seen a tombstone that read: Died for not forwarding that text to 10 people.
Unknown
475 Likes
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Whenever you're feeling down, remember; you're the sperm that won.
Unknown
373 Likes
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I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
Unknown
588 Likes
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I'm not saying she's a slut but whenever she eats a banana in public, she puts one hand behind her head.
Unknown
297 Likes
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My stupid GPS can't find Rack City. bi....
Unknown
465 Likes
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Ever looked back at your ex and asked yourself was I drunk the entire relationship?
Unknown
349 Likes
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Does a prostitude file pregnancy as a work-related accident?
Unknown
645 Likes
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Opening your cabinet, seeing there's about to be an avalanche of stuff falling, and quickly closing it for the next person to deal with.
Unknown
567 Likes
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Our sincere condolences to the next woman Michael Douglas gives Catherine Zeta-Jones' HPV to.
Unknown
26 Likes
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Call me Spider-man because I'm in love with Mary Jane.
Unknown
235 Likes
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420 Facebook Status quotes
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I wish our s.. life was as passionate as your reaction to the casting news about Fifty Shades of Grey.
Unknown
67 Likes
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Sorry the casting of Fifty Shades of Grey has caused you to completely revamp your mastur...... fantasies.
Unknown
63 Likes
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I think car horns should sound like gun shots....I bet you'll move then.
Unknown
168 Likes
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Whoever said white men can't jump has clearly never played Temple Run.
Unknown
220 Likes
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I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.
Garry Shandling
24 Likes
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I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.
Garry Shandling
3 Likes
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Having designed and built several clocks during my career it suddenly occurred to me that when you look at the face of a clock both hands have the same center.
Kit Williams
0 Likes
Clocks quotes
Dear people who update their Facebook status every 30 seconds, there's Twitter for a reason.
Unknown
273 Likes
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Friends are like underwear, always near you. Good friends are like condoms, always protecting you. Best friends are like viagra, lift you up when you are down.
Unknown
2145 Likes
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Calendars and clocks exist to measure time, but that signifies little because we all know that an hour can seem as eternity or pass in a flash, according to how we spend it.
Michael Ende
2 Likes
Clocks quotes
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