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Funny Facebook Witch Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Facebook Witch" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Online dating is now like eating at Denny's thanks to photoshop, in person your order looks nothing like the photo on the menu.
Unknown
306 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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Our sincere condolences to the next woman Michael Douglas gives Catherine Zeta-Jones' HPV to.
Unknown
26 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
I shaved my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire.
Unknown
705 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
Sorry the casting of Fifty Shades of Grey has caused you to completely revamp your mastur...... fantasies.
Unknown
63 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
I just saved a whole bunch of money on my child support by switching to condoms.
Unknown
341 Likes
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Opening your cabinet, seeing there's about to be an avalanche of stuff falling, and quickly closing it for the next person to deal with.
Unknown
567 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
I said I'd be there in 5 minutes. Quit calling me every half hour.
Nikhil Saluja
277 Likes
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If you listen closely you can hear the gas pump tell your kid's college fund to go fu.. itself.
Unknown
636 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
Never in my life have I seen a tombstone that read: Died for not forwarding that text to 10 people.
Unknown
475 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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Call me Spider-man because I'm in love with Mary Jane.
Unknown
235 Likes
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420 Facebook Status quotes
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I saw a license plate yesterday that said "I Miss New York", so I smashed their window and stole their radio.
Unknown
649 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
Ever looked back at your ex and asked yourself was I drunk the entire relationship?
Unknown
349 Likes
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A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
Unknown
585 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
Whoever said white men can't jump has clearly never played Temple Run.
Unknown
220 Likes
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I always lock my front door before I get in the shower 'cause if a killer broke in & heard me singing I'd be HUMILIATED.
Unknown
764 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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I'm not saying she's a slut but whenever she eats a banana in public, she puts one hand behind her head.
Unknown
297 Likes
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Friends are like bum cheeks, shit comes between them but they always stick together.
Unknown
332 Likes
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Whenever you're feeling down, remember; you're the sperm that won.
Unknown
373 Likes
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Dear Internet Users, Someday u will regret not reading me. Sincerely, Terms & Conditions.
Unknown
1055 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
Closing all the internet windows by the time your boss gets to your desk is like getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you.
Unknown
841 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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