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Funny Good Night Status Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Good Night Status" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
A drunken man was dreaming that he died and reincarnated on earth as a chicken. He became heavy and tried to lay an egg! He pushed and pushed and laid the 1st egg, then the 2nd. He was pushing to lay a 3rd egg when his wife screamed ''James! You're shitting on the bed!"
Unknown
604 Likes
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There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up.
Kristen Chandler
262 Likes
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Being a good person does not depend on your religion, status, race, color, political views or culture. It depends on how you treat others.
Unknown
103 Likes
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Liking your own status, is like high-fiving yourself in public...
Unknown
201 Likes
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I almost had a threesome last night, all I needed was two more people.
Unknown
102 Likes
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Give your troubles to God. He'll be up all night anyhow.
Unknown
10 Likes
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I have an eating disorder. I be eatin DIS order of fries, and DIS order of nuggets, and DIS order of wings and so on, so on, you get it.
Unknown
291 Likes
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Thanks for inviting me to your baby shower, it reminded me to take my birth control pill.
Unknown
205 Likes
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Whenever I talk with someone who stutters...I yell 'REMIX!' so they feel cool and shit.
Unknown
142 Likes
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Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
Unknown
2640 Likes
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When you're putting on jeans with holes and your foot goes through the hole.
Unknown
72 Likes
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On a scale from Kristen Stewart to Nicki Minaj, how many different facial expressions do you have?
Unknown
264 Likes
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I don't see why everybody wants a white iPhone. Everyone knows the black one runs faster.
Unknown
575 Likes
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If you can't afford po.., just turn on women's tennis and shut your eyes...
Unknown
371 Likes
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Absolutely no one can text faster than a pissed off woman.
Unknown
589 Likes
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Sorry your decision to quietly change your relationship status was broadcast to every single one of your Facebook friends.
Unknown
13 Likes
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If you don't have an iPhone I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 Emojis & you can't see none.
Unknown
187 Likes
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When I kill a bug in my house, I leave the dead body around for a bit to warn the others.
Unknown
436 Likes
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I hate you but you were always there for me to not make me look ridiculous. I appreciate what you did for me. Thank You Auto-Correct.
Unknown
149 Likes
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There is nothing as disgusting as the feeling you get the moment that your finger breaks through the toilet paper.
Unknown
305 Likes
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