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Funny True Facebook Status Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny True Facebook Status" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
I love it when I buy a bag of air & the company is nice enough to put some chips in.
Unknown
586 Likes
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Snooki is expecting her baby on December 21, 2012. I guess the Mayans knew what they were talking about...
Unknown
576 Likes
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Let's promise we'll always stay close friends but ultimately settle for periodic glances at each other's Facebook status updates.
Unknown
27 Likes
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If the professor doesn't show up to class in the first 15 minutes, you get to leave. Somebody make that a law, please.
Unknown
121 Likes
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Mitt Romney should change his first name to Fetch, because he's never going to happen.
Unknown
113 Likes
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That awkward moment, when you're walking through the metal detector and your abs of steel set it off.
Unknown
436 Likes
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A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.
Unknown
471 Likes
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My Lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my Birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said "I wanna watch."
Unknown
1197 Likes
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That awkward moment when a black kid asks you to pass the skin colored crayon.
Unknown
264 Likes
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Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: 'Jim's whor.. house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.'
Unknown
558 Likes
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If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards...it's actually about a magical boat that saves people.
Unknown
839 Likes
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Boy: Why can't tampons talk? Girl: Because they're stuck up bi...es.
Dylan Nace
227 Likes
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CONGRATULATIONS! You've won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
Unknown
305 Likes
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Showing your friend a funny video on YouTube and constantly checking their face to make sure they're enjoying it...
Unknown
1081 Likes
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My dog thinks I am patting his belly...little does he know I am playing the most epic drum solo of all time.
Unknown
181 Likes
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I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy.
Jarod Kintz
80 Likes
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Dear Facebook peeps: Please stop showing photos of animal cruelty and dead pets. If I want to be depressed I'll just youtube the Sarah M commercial.
Unknown
91 Likes
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Women are like internet viruses they enter your life, scan your pocket, edit your mind, download their problems, delete your smile...
Unknown
561 Likes
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Welcome to Facebook: Where ho.. call out ho.. when they should be calling out themselves, where people claim their real when really their faker then Pamela Anderson's boobies, where lame a.. dudes talk about how their balling and got money to blow but really they can't even afford a mcdouble from McDonald's and their living with their parents on the down low, where people post pics of food claiming they made it when they know damn well it's just a tv dinner, where chicks post pics wearing almost nothing trying to get as many likes as they can and they call guys desperate when their the ones looking desperate in the first place! It's more like welcome to drama-Fakebook
Bryan Burden
761 Likes
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I hate two-faced people. It's so hard to decide which face to slap first.
Unknown
764 Likes
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