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Oil Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Oil Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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You can't stand when I have my eyes set on someone else, but don't you realize that I go weak when I'm around you. I always laugh and smile at your jokes even when they're not funny. I take every single chance I have to talk to you. You make me melt in many different ways. I'm crazy about you, but would I ever confess this? I don't think I ever will. It's not that I'm scared. It's just that, you'll never feel the same way.
Unknown
192 Likes
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There should be a relationship status for I don't even know whats going on.
Unknown
38 Likes
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Now, there ain't no way that you could kill the beast dead, I got Middle East women and Middle East bread. I got oil well money in the desert playing golf, Dolce shorts, dashiki with a Louie Scarf, Chest cold, diamonds make a ni... wanna cough, In Dubai, 20 million on the villa loft, And then I step up in the club and then these other ni...s mad as shit, The way I make the people wanna sing the hook in Arabic!
Busta Rhymes
21 Likes
For Lent, I'm giving up making jokes about what I'm giving up for Lent.
Unknown
7 Likes
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Christmas brings enormous electric bills. Candles are used for Hanukkah. Not only are we spared enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good about not contributing to the energy crisis.
Unknown
7 Likes
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I guess it's hard to tune in and know what's going on...because there's about 10 storylines going at one time. So if people haven't seen the show and they just jump in and try to watch it's easy to get confused. But at the same time I think it's easy for anyone to tune in and enjoy it. I mean, it's just a really dirty show. There are a lot of dir.. jokes.
Michael Cera
37 Likes
What if you dove in the pool and while you where on the bottom freaking out some body poured oil on the surface and lit it on fire! Yeah and then you're like Ooooohhhhhhh, Ooooohhhhhhh, Ooooohhhhhhh!!! You got to keep swimming around feeling for a spot where there's no fire! Then what if you find a circle where there's no fire and the second you come up a big dude just punched you in the face! Get back in the fiery water! You don't come out of the fiery water! Cover up that whole with more fire now! Get back in the fiery water!
Jeremy G
8 Likes
Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition.
Hussein Nishah
526 Likes
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Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.
Criss Jami
151 Likes
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Congratulations to Charlie Sheen, who's marrying his longtime girlfriend. I have to say...Charlie Sheen has a longtime girlfriend?
Jimmy Kimmel
7 Likes
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So you wanna hear a joke, its not funny so you wont laugh, so there are three tomatoes walking down the street mamma tomato pappa tomato and baby tomato, so baby tomato starts lagging behind and pappa tomato gets mad and goes back and squashes baby tomato and says ketchup.
Pulp Fiction
44 Likes
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What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck.
Anonymous
102 Likes
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The one lamb thou shalt offer in the morning; and the other lamb thou shalt offer at even: And with the one lamb a tenth deal of flour mingled with the fourth part of an hin of beaten oil; and the fourth part of an hin of wine for a drink offering.
Bible
0 Likes
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An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."
Unknown
1496 Likes
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Food, love, career, and mother, the four major guilt groups.
Unknown
32 Likes
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I wish I had never met you. There would be no need to impress you. No need to want you. No need for loving you. No need for crying over you. No need for heartbreaks. No need for pain or tears. No need for forgotten promises. No need for rejected hugs. No need for crying myself to sleep. No need for everything you've done to make me feel like nothing. But then again, I'm glad I met you. Cause you were the one who always asked me if anything was wrong. You were the one who loved me for me. You were the one who care when everyone else didnt. The one who stayed up late to talk about the craziest things. The one who taught me new things. The one who laughed at my bad jokes. The one who did things, just for me.
Unknown
342 Likes
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Truth is your the best friend someone can ask for. It feels like I've known you forever. You've always knew how to cheer me up when I'm down. I'll always remember the times we laughed so hard, we couldnt stop. The memories, the fun, the moments, the laughs, the jokes and all the times we got busted, I'll never forget them. I know we fought and argued sometimes but that only made our friendship stronger. As long as we are living, no matter when or where, if you ever need me just call and I'll be there because you've been there for me. Of all the friends I've ever met, you're the one I won't forget.
Mahmoud El Hallab
2115 Likes
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In high school, there are so many cliques. You're never safe. In between my junior and senior years, I went away to film Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and I came back ready to do the things with my friends that we always did, but things change. People get older, and there are some inside jokes that you don't know about that have happened. You feel lost for a while, and it's hard to come back from that. Then the friends who have 'replaced' you are territorial. I've experienced that a little bit. There are catty, insecure, and gossipy girls everywhere, but for me, I don't think it's a matter of any of them being genuinely bad at heart. I just think that maybe the different ways in which people are raised make them different and insecure. They point out the bad things in others just to make themselves feel better. It's everywhere.
Blake Lively
14 Likes
Being on tour together and being constantly with the same few people means we now think the same things are funny, we have inside jokes and stuff. Musically there are bands we all love to listen to: Bloc Party being one of them. There arent many we agree on. Greenday, 311, RHCP rock/funk got me wanting to be in a band in the first place. Disashi comes from a very rock background and hes really into Jimi Hendrix which I think shines through on his guitar solos on ACASC. Our bass player is into a lot of reggae. Travis is all over the place with singing and rapping this is the first album he sings complete songs rather than rapping a little in them. There were tracks where we were like, where do we fit in the rap part? and it didnt feel right to put one in. It wasnt a conscious movement away from rap, we made that decision to suit the songs.
Gym Class Heroes
7 Likes
One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun. The woman doctor agrees to it. So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have s.. for an hour or so. Afterwards, the man says to the woman, You're a surgeon, aren't you? Yeah, how did you know? The man says, I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started. Oh, that makes sense, says the woman. Youre an anesthesiologist aren't you? Yeah, says the man, a bit surprised. How did you know? The woman answers, Because I didn't feel a thing.
Unknown
341 Likes
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