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Funny Old People Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Old People Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
I know we're not saints or virgins or lunatics; we know all the lust and lavatory jokes, and most of the dirty people; we can catch buses and count our change and cross the roads and talk real sentences. But our innocence goes awfully deep, and our discreditable secret is that we don't know anything at all, and our horrid inner secret is that we don't care that we don't.
Dylan Thomas
77 Likes
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Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
Emo Philips
23 Likes
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I just made Romney noodles Obama self.
Unknown
123 Likes
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no body to go with.
Alice Jane
153 Likes
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So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'.
Frank Carson
28 Likes
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You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk-dancing.
Anonymous
17 Likes
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I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.
Les Dawson
81 Likes
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A blind man walks into a bar...and a table...and a chair.
Unknown
135 Likes
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I'm not an optimist but hopefully one day I will be.
Nikhil Saluja
90 Likes
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Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day.
Seth MacFarlane
1 Likes
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
Spike Milligan
30 Likes
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I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny.
Paula Deen
3 Likes
I know why Superman left Krypton. Earth was the only place he could get steroids!
Milton Berle
105 Likes
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I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.
Jack Benny
303 Likes
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I used to be a watchmaker. It was a great job and I made my own hours.
Nikhil Saluja
56 Likes
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I met this guy who said he loved children, then I found out he was on parole for it.
Monica Piper
124 Likes
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I just tripped over my sister's bras. I guess it was a booby trap.
Unknown
155 Likes
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A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.
Hussein Nishah
397 Likes
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I love funny people, and when I'm with funny people, or people who are amusing in their weirdness, I love it. Because that to me is funny, as opposed to someone who stops and says, 'Hey let me tell you a joke.'
Paul Feig
6 Likes
A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.
Ludwig Wittgenstein
28 Likes
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