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Bad Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Bad Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
Dennis Miller
44 Likes
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Simba was walking too slow, so I told him to Mufasa.
Unknown
224 Likes
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
Rodney Dangerfield
28 Likes
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I thought that he was taking shots at me, when it was just jokes. It was a misunderstanding, a mis-communication ... I'm about making money.
Soulja Boy
5 Likes
My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?'
Steven Wright
72 Likes
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I write for Reader's Digest. It's not hard. All you do is copy out an article and mail it in again.
Milt Kamen
51 Likes
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What do you call a computer that can sing? A dell.
Unknown
208 Likes
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Children always know when company is in the living room - they can hear their mother laughing at their father's jokes
Unknown
73 Likes
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Robert Pattinson must be the only guy in the world who enjoys his girlfriend being on her period.
Unknown
75 Likes
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The ideal women does exist, but she is always married to another man.
Unknown
102 Likes
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Your momma's butt is so big, she got stopped at the airport for having 200 pounds of crack!
Unknown
61 Likes
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I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried...but they wanted cash.
Zach Manal
61 Likes
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My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
Bob Monkhouse
145 Likes
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I'm from New York, I make kind of somewhat maybe lewd, at times - maybe some would say dirty - jokes. But in jest.
Sarah Michelle Gellar
35 Likes
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window. If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in.
Nikhil Saluja
103 Likes
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Eric Morecambe
44 Likes
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Condoms are like women...most of the time they're pretty annoying, but you need them to get laid.
Unknown
119 Likes
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Dont mix bad words with your bad mood. You'll have many opportunities to change a mood, but you'll never get the opportunity to replace the words you spoke.
Nishan Panwar
219 Likes
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A mature person is one who is does not think only in absolutes, who is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and all things, and who walks humbly and deals charitably.
Eleanor Roosevelt
10 Likes
Being Bad quotes
he way I and my family have been treated is an absolute disgrace. At the end of the day, I'm a nice person and loving husband and father. I've been called a bad father, I've been called a bad husband and my wife has been called a bad mother. Things always hurt that are said about my family, and for people to call my wife a bad mother is unbelievable. I'm a strong person, I'm a strong family man, I'm a strong husband and a strong father.
David Beckham
60 Likes
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