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Funny Jokes About The Holiday Ending Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Jokes About The Holiday Ending" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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My diabetic neighbor died in his sleep. I forgot to wish him 'sweet dreams.'
Unknown
282 Likes
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True love doesn't have a happy ending, because true love never ends.
Unknown
74 Likes
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Why do single girls take advice from other single girls? That's like ray charles giving stevie wonder driving directions.
Unknown
186 Likes
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When I was a boy, my mom wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead. Happy Mother's Day!
Jeff Shaw
131 Likes
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If it tastes funny, don't eat it. If it looks funny, call a doctor. If it is funny, it must have been something I said.
Unknown
189 Likes
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Make sure the clothes you buy on Black Friday take into account how fat you got on Thanksgiving.
Unknown
79 Likes
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The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others' burdens, easing other's loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas.
W C Jones
57 Likes
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I'm not so funny. Gilda was funny. I'm funny on camera sometimes. In life, once in a while. Once in a while. But she was funny. She spent more time worrying about being liked than anything else.
Gene Wilder
2 Likes
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'
Tim Vine
53 Likes
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Since today is Valentine's day, I was wondering if you'd like to go back to MySpace, so I can Twitter with your Yahoo, until I Google all over your Facebook and we can Instagram our date... ;) Happy Valentine's Day, Everyone!!
Unknown
495 Likes
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You can't stand when I have my eyes set on someone else, but don't you realize that I go weak when I'm around you. I always laugh and smile at your jokes even when they're not funny. I take every single chance I have to talk to you. You make me melt in many different ways. I'm crazy about you, but would I ever confess this? I don't think I ever will. It's not that I'm scared. It's just that, you'll never feel the same way.
Unknown
192 Likes
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On the 12th day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me 12 chicks I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvveeee drama queens, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a pokin' and a ex who won't stop inboxing me!
Unknown
99 Likes
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So you wanna hear a joke, its not funny so you wont laugh, so there are three tomatoes walking down the street mamma tomato pappa tomato and baby tomato, so baby tomato starts lagging behind and pappa tomato gets mad and goes back and squashes baby tomato and says ketchup.
Pulp Fiction
44 Likes
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What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck.
Anonymous
102 Likes
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An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."
Unknown
1496 Likes
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True love stories should never have a happy ending, because true love stories never end...
Unknown
98 Likes
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I moved to New York to do theater, and I got cast in a play that was funny, and then I was the funny guy. I did a movie that was funny, and then I was the funny guy.
Steve Zahn
1 Likes
Food, love, career, and mother, the four major guilt groups.
Unknown
32 Likes
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I remember watching Gilda Radner when I was a kid and everyone thought she was so funny and no one ever said that she was a funny woman, she was just funny.
Rachel Dratch
2 Likes
Somebody once said we never know what is enough until we know what's more than enough.
Billie Holiday
5 Likes
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