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Funny Love Punchlinestrated Status Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Love Punchlinestrated Status" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.
Unknown
2332 Likes
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My bed and I have a special relationship, we're perfect for each other. But my alarm clock just hates seeing us together.
Unknown
509 Likes
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When my girlfriend and I fight, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house. Just so I can say "Oh yeah, you need me NOW, huh?"
Unknown
1346 Likes
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Before someone gets their drivers liscence they should have to beat Rainbow Road on Mario Kart without falling off.
Unknown
376 Likes
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Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.
Unknown
170 Likes
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Does anyone have that light switch in their house that they really don't know what it goes to...
Unknown
947 Likes
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I wonder how some people can keep up with both their Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook...I cant even keep up with the Kardashians.
Unknown
313 Likes
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I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.
Unknown
398 Likes
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Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the time. ( ) Once in a while. (X) fu.. it. I'll buy my own shit.
Unknown
917 Likes
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Sometimes one middle finger isn't enough to let someone know how you feel. That's why you have two hands.
Unknown
984 Likes
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I'd be more upset about the NSA accessing my phone records if I used my phone for anything but texting and taking pictures of my d..k.
Unknown
45 Likes
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When ever I get a headache I take two tablet of aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
Hussein Nishah
855 Likes
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Linkedin invitations are like herpes...They pop up from time to time to remind you they still exist and nobody wants them.
Unknown
117 Likes
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If someone says expect the unexpected slap them in the face and say 'I bet you didn't expect that!'
Unknown
427 Likes
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I hate weddings. Old people would poke me saying You're next. They stopped when I started going up to them at funerals and poking them, saying, You're next.
Unknown
3215 Likes
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If Facebook ever shuts down. You'll see people roaming the streets shoving pictures in others faces screaming 'Do you like this!?!?!.. DO YOU!?!?!'
Unknown
1647 Likes
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The awkward moment, when Usain Bolt runs faster than your internet connection.
Unknown
293 Likes
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I like to put things back where I got them from when I am done using them...so I dropped your mom off at the bar.
Unknown
232 Likes
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Sunglasses allow an individual to stare at people without them knowing. It is Facebook in real life.
Unknown
722 Likes
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I love weed, LOVE IT! Probably always will! But not as much as I love pus..! The end. -Thurgood Jenkins
Half Baked
226 Likes
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