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Funny Midlife Crisis Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Midlife Crisis" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny.
Robert Paul
2280 Likes
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I won't kill you, but I'll enjoy reading your obituary.
Unknown
31 Likes
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If you're on the treadmill next to me, the answer is yes...we are racing.
Unknown
77 Likes
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Friday is the beginning of my liver's workweek.
Unknown
110 Likes
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It may be the antidepressants talking, but I'm feeling somewhat optimistic about 2014.
Unknown
9 Likes
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I don't get why gyms have mirrors...I know what I look like. That's why I'm there.
Unknown
122 Likes
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I could be in another country but if someone is waiting on me and they call, I always say I'll be there in 5 minutes.
Unknown
264 Likes
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Now that the holiday blues are over, let's resume our everyday melancholy.
Unknown
11 Likes
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I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.
Wanda Sykes
63 Likes
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It's funny looking at yourself. You know how it is when you look back at old pictures? It's just funny looking back at yourself walking and talking at age 14.
Jennifer Connelly
46 Likes
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This New Years, I'm going to party like Maury just told me I'm not the father!
Unknown
68 Likes
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Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
Ron Alderson
69 Likes
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Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation?
Zariahh Renee
378 Likes
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I think cheese smells funny, but I feel bananas are funny. I'm assuming Swamp told the whole story of the executives seriously asking us to replace the banana with cheese because they thought it was funnier.
Joe Murray
2 Likes
My goal for 2014 is to accomplish the goals of 2013, which I should have done in 2012, because I promised them in 2011 and planned them in 2010.
Unknown
101 Likes
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I want to kiss you at midnight and pork you at dawn.
Unknown
8 Likes
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All diseases run into one, old age.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
30 Likes
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It would be funny if, while performing an abortion, someone yelled 'abort! abort!'
Unknown
63 Likes
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I know a lot of funny people in a lot of funny places.
John Cougar Mellencamp
13 Likes
I think these movies are as much for people of that time as for people who weren't born. For people who weren't born, they see how leaders must act under a crisis situation, not trying to be re-elected or not trying to check polls, that they go from their gut check.
Kevin Costner
1 Likes
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