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Funny Seinfeld Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Seinfeld" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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This Christmas I've decided to put a mistletoe in my back pocket....so all the people I dont like can kiss my ass.
Unknown
719 Likes
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There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.
Jerry Seinfeld
2 Likes
Advice quotes
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.
Jerry Seinfeld
17 Likes
Doing Your Best quotes
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There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
Jerry Seinfeld
12 Likes
Doing Your Best quotes
Men And Women quotes
What people actually think: ha = you. suck. haha = not that funny. hahaha = really funny actually. hahahaha = funniest. thing. ever!! hahahahaha = I wanna be your friend/ gf/ bf. ahahahahaha = you. suck. a. lot.
Lala
106 Likes
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Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the time. ( ) Once in a while. (X) fu.. it. I'll buy my own shit.
Unknown
917 Likes
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I hope one of your New Year's resolutions is to stop tagging me in New Year's photos.
Unknown
39 Likes
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My resolution is to spend less time working which means you'll have to work more.
Unknown
8 Likes
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My resolution is to spend more time avoiding friends and family.
Unknown
25 Likes
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For my new year's resolution, I promise to stop correcting your terrible spelling and focus more on your horrific grammar.
Unknown
20 Likes
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Sorry that, statistically speaking, you probably won't fulfill your resolution.
Unknown
8 Likes
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My resolution is to get healthier while still destroying myself with alcohol and drugs.
Unknown
21 Likes
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Funny is funny is funny.
Bob Newhart
0 Likes
I love funny people, and when I'm with funny people, or people who are amusing in their weirdness, I love it. Because that to me is funny, as opposed to someone who stops and says, 'Hey let me tell you a joke.'
Paul Feig
6 Likes
My excuses for already failing my New Year's resolution are more complicated than the fiscal cliff deal.
Unknown
22 Likes
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.
Jerry Seinfeld
25 Likes
Friends quotes
The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.
Jerry Seinfeld
3 Likes
Comedy quotes
Mom: Your great aunt just passed away. LOL Me: Why is that funny? Mom: It's not funny David! What do you mean? Me: Mom lol means laughing out loud! Mom: Oh my goodness! I sent that to everyone I thought it meant lots of love. I have to call everyone back oh God.
Unknown
800 Likes
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Funny how I want to skip class in order to study.
Unknown
91 Likes
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If this is some kind of practical joke, it's not funny, and I know funny. I'm a clownfish. -Marlin
Finding Nemo
5 Likes
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