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George Lopez Funny Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "George Lopez Funny Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
A blind man walks into a bar...and a table...and a chair.
Unknown
135 Likes
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
Spike Milligan
30 Likes
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I just made Romney noodles Obama self.
Unknown
123 Likes
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It means a lot in that I always felt invisible, and I was louder in my own head than I was verbally, ... I was torturing myself, wanting to say things and not knowing how to be. The stand-up was a way out but it never came easy. So to have something that's named after me make it, and that has history tied to Desi and Freddie and now Freddie Jr., it's unbelievable to me because I never really thought anything good would happen to me.
George Lopez
6 Likes
It means a lot in that I always felt invisible, and I was louder in my own head than I was verbally, ... I was torturing myself, wanting to say things and not knowing how to be. The stand-up was a way out but it never came easy. So to have something that's named after me make it, and that has history tied to Desi and Freddie and now Freddie Jr., it's unbelievable to me because I never really thought anything good would happen to me.
George Lopez
5 Likes
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My wife gave me a book before we got married, Oh, the Places You'll Go!, by Dr. Seuss. She was trying to tell me something, about what I was capable of, but I didn't get it. Over time, I've sort of lived the message in that book, and I couldn't have without what golf taught me. So I put it in my bag while I played the Old Course, and on the last hole when I posed on the Swilcan Bridge, I held it up.
George Lopez
10 Likes
I am going to bring a more eclectic group of actors and a more eclectic group of musicians from Mana to Santana to Slash and Garth Brooks. I know some pretty high-profile people in Hollywood, in music and in comedy. They all seem to be supportive of the idea.
George Lopez
8 Likes
Always laugh heartily at the jokes your boss tells, it maybe a loyalty test.
Unknown
18 Likes
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For every ten jokes, thou hast got a hundred enemies.
Laurence Sterne
8 Likes
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A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
TS Eliot
11 Likes
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A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.
Ludwig Wittgenstein
28 Likes
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I've always been terrible on regular sitcoms with lots of jokes. I don't know how to tell jokes.
Rainn Wilson
4 Likes
Why do single women take advice from other single women? That's like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions.
Hussein Nishah
350 Likes
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A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
TS Eliot
9 Likes
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A civil servant doesn't make jokes
Eugene Ionesco
2 Likes
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
Rodney Dangerfield
28 Likes
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I once made love to a female clown, and she twisted my pe..s into a poodle.
Dan Whitney
109 Likes
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I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried...but they wanted cash.
Zach Manal
61 Likes
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Condoms are like women...most of the time they're pretty annoying, but you need them to get laid.
Unknown
119 Likes
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Eric Morecambe
44 Likes
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