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Hilarious Funny Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Hilarious Funny Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Whether you're offended by me saying Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas, take comfort in knowing I don't really mean either.
Unknown
23 Likes
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If you're sad about being single this holiday season, remember that even Kim Kardashian is unmarried 293 days a year.
Unknown
11 Likes
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May your holiday season be filled with friends and family who don't bring up your school's horrifying pedophiliac s.. scandal.
Unknown
16 Likes
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May you maintain the same fake enthusiasm for the holidays as North Koreans did for Kim Jong II.
Unknown
30 Likes
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I'm positive I lost an electron, I better keep an ion that.
Unknown
144 Likes
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I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.
Tommy Cooper
20 Likes
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
461 Likes
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I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
Jimmy Carter
123 Likes
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I would say a crippled joke but I cant stand them.
Unknown
109 Likes
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There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the house next door, and it was very similar.
Geoffrey Parfitt
35 Likes
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I've got a very poor sense of direction. I keep forgetting which way is forwards.
Geoffrey Parfitt
13 Likes
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I lost my coat, hopefully someone didn't jacket.
Unknown
78 Likes
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I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.
Winston Spear
19 Likes
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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
Oscar Levant
93 Likes
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Want to hear the joke about the vacuum? Nevermind...It sucks.
Unknown
204 Likes
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I thought coq au vin was love in a lorry.
Victoria Wood
80 Likes
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Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don't have to.
Amit Verma
99 Likes
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Foot: A special device for finding furniture in the dark.
Unknown
29 Likes
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The fastest way to make your own Anti-freeze is to hide her nightgown.
Unknown
24 Likes
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I can't stand people that don't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're.' Their so stupid...
Unknown
222 Likes
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