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Jokes Swimming Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Jokes Swimming" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pi.ps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pi.p is a whole other thing.
Chris Rock
11 Likes
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I was born in Alabama. I was raised in Georgia. I'm so Southern I'm related to myself. I have a 12-year-old daughter. She takes after my daddy. She ought to. She's his.
Brett Butler
200 Likes
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The reason most comedies don't win awards is that the filmmakers put the comedy first. This means you have to create a story around the jokes.
Paul Feig
0 Likes
When there are no women on the tour it can get awful and ugly - constant horrible jokes and gross behaviour. It needs to be leavened with a feminine presence.
Evan Dando
2 Likes
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
Garry Shandling
103 Likes
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If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made broccoli a lot more fun to hunt!
Unknown
74 Likes
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I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me.
Jensen Ackles
19 Likes
I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
Tommy Cooper
41 Likes
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On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Twelve drummers drumming, Eleven pipers piping, Ten lords a leaping, Nine ladies dancing, Eight maids a milking, Seven swans a swimming, Six geese a laying, Five golden rings, Four calling birds, Three French Hens, Two turtle doves And a Partridge in a pear tree.
Unknown
13 Likes
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Today is International Sword Swallowers Day. Im sure there are lots of jokes there, but figured the legit carnies deserve a shout out.
Neil Patrick Harris
7 Likes
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The thing about all good horror movies is that the fans expect a couple of inside jokes. Maybe I'm supposed to be saying how terrified I was while making it, but it was really fun.
Margot Kidder
0 Likes
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
Emo Philips
409 Likes
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I grew up as the ugly duckling. I was the only one with a dark skin and therefor I didn't really fit in. A lot of people made jokes of me as 'the adopted one.'
Eva Longoria
13 Likes
I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby.
Dane Cook
76 Likes
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French wine growers fear that this year's vintage may be entirely spoiled due to the g.... treaders' sit-in.
Ronnie Corbett
23 Likes
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My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
Wendy Leibman
111 Likes
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I reserve the right to tell shaggy dog stories or even common jokes as part of what I'm doing. I don't give a damn if half the audience walks out.
David Antin
9 Likes
I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance...she leaned over and pushed me.
Anonymous
106 Likes
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Dear math, grow up and solve your own stupid problems I'm sick and tired of doing it for you!
Unknown
195 Likes
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I'm the kind of person who would come out of the gym...And go straight to McDonalds.
Unknown
157 Likes
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