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Sarcastic Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Sarcastic Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window. If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in.
Nikhil Saluja
103 Likes
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
Rodney Dangerfield
28 Likes
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Eric Morecambe
44 Likes
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What do you call a computer that can sing? A dell.
Unknown
208 Likes
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The roses have wilted, The violets are dead, Sugar is lumpy And so is your head.
Unknown
112 Likes
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Zac Efron is like a brother who's just goofy and crazy. He plays a lot of practical jokes.
Ashley Tisdale
30 Likes
I write for Reader's Digest. It's not hard. All you do is copy out an article and mail it in again.
Milt Kamen
51 Likes
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My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?'
Steven Wright
72 Likes
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The ideal women does exist, but she is always married to another man.
Unknown
102 Likes
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I once made love to a female clown, and she twisted my pe..s into a poodle.
Dan Whitney
109 Likes
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The fastest way to meet new people is to pick up somebody else's change at a cocktail bar.
Sam Ewing
25 Likes
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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
Dennis Miller
44 Likes
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I had a dream that I was drowning in orange soda. Turned out it was just a Fanta sea.
Unknown
93 Likes
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I think the more the actor lets you know what he thinks of the character, the less the audience cares - like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes.
Neil LaBute
0 Likes
My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
Bob Monkhouse
145 Likes
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He has such a patronizing tone and manner, and such a sarcastic sense of humor. I found him rather brutal, a kind of elegant brutality which appealed. No, I think he came pretty much off the page.
Jeremy Northam
8 Likes
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'I can always relate to tampon commercials'...said no girl ever.
Unknown
97 Likes
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I don't need Anger management, I manage my anger how I see fit at any given moment.
Abhishek Tiwari
103 Likes
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The moment when someone jokes about one of your insecurities and you have to pretend like it didn't bother you.
Unknown
179 Likes
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Ways to die: steal my food, touch me, look through my phone.
Unknown
145 Likes
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