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Unknown Condom Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Unknown Condom Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
Tommy Cooper
41 Likes
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.
Billy Connolly
32 Likes
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
Milton Berle
47 Likes
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I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me.
Jensen Ackles
19 Likes
The reason most comedies don't win awards is that the filmmakers put the comedy first. This means you have to create a story around the jokes.
Paul Feig
0 Likes
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Tommy Cooper
44 Likes
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I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
Garry Shandling
103 Likes
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
152 Likes
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When there are no women on the tour it can get awful and ugly - constant horrible jokes and gross behaviour. It needs to be leavened with a feminine presence.
Evan Dando
2 Likes
Boy: Why can't tampons talk? Girl: Because they're stuck up bi...es.
Dylan Nace
227 Likes
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The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.
Stephen Wright
4 Likes
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I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance...she leaned over and pushed me.
Anonymous
106 Likes
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I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby.
Dane Cook
76 Likes
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French wine growers fear that this year's vintage may be entirely spoiled due to the g.... treaders' sit-in.
Ronnie Corbett
23 Likes
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I recently did the David Letterman Show about my book. He was very serious and made no jokes and it caught me off guard a little bit. He was much more serious than some of the joke shows that journalists get on.
Bob Woodward
0 Likes
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I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite. You see the trouble is he's very old fashioned. When he gives you an injection you have to bite on a bullet.
Les Dawson
59 Likes
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I reserve the right to tell shaggy dog stories or even common jokes as part of what I'm doing. I don't give a damn if half the audience walks out.
David Antin
9 Likes
Today is International Sword Swallowers Day. Im sure there are lots of jokes there, but figured the legit carnies deserve a shout out.
Neil Patrick Harris
7 Likes
Last christmas my sister, Geri, gave me a lovely Cloth calendar. It only took me 5 hours to sew in a Doctor's appointment...
Robert Paul
67 Likes
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My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
Wendy Leibman
111 Likes
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