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QUOTES
My bed and I have a special relationship, we're perfect for each other. But my alarm clock just hates seeing us together.
Unknown
509 Likes
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You're spreading rumors about me? At least you found a hobby spreading something other than your legs.
Nishan Panwar
495 Likes
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Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition.
Hussein Nishah
526 Likes
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'Remember, nothing says good job, like a firm, open-palm slap on the behind!' - Sexual Harassment Training Video
Unknown
882 Likes
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If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can return Mondays.
Unknown
501 Likes
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Everybody knows somebody who's Facebook relationship status should be 'Still banging my ex.'
Unknown
597 Likes
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They say you shouldn't lie to your doctor. But admit it, if they ask if you've ever had sex, and your mom is right there, you're gonna say no.
Risa Schizophrenia
517 Likes
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I'm not saying my ex-girlfriend is a slut I am just saying if everyone's cock had wings she'd be a airport.
Unknown
619 Likes
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God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
Garrison Keillor
1907 Likes
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I'm on that 'I don't give a fu.. diet.' I've lost 10 assholes already.
Unknown
467 Likes
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Seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. Awesome.
Unknown
455 Likes
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I know every day is a gift, but where's the receipt for Mondays? I want to exchange it for another Friday.
Unknown
611 Likes
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Tell me I'm clever, Tell me I'm kind, Tell me I'm talented, Tell me I'm cute, Tell me I'm sensitive, Graceful and wise, Tell me I'm perfect-- But tell me the truth.
Shel Silverstein
857 Likes
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It's been said good things come to those who wait... All I have to say is whatever is coming to me,better be freaking fantastic!
Nishan Panwar
547 Likes
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Today is national animal day. Please take a moment to remember your ex.
Unknown
502 Likes
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R.I.P to my Ex...the funeral will be held at Never Again Baptist Church, located across from The Lies You Told Cemetery, on Moving TF On Ave.
Unknown
482 Likes
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It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you're dead, you're made for life.
Jimi Hendrix
1546 Likes
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Don't do drugs kids. There's a time and place for everything. It's called college.
South Park
687 Likes
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When a fat girl eats a cheeseburger, people think, "Ew, eat a salad." When a fat girl eats a salad, people think, "Is she trying to lose weight or something?" ..but when a SKINNY girl eats a cheeseburger, people think, "Wow, she eats and eats and never gains a pound." and when a SKINNY girl eats a salad, people think, "Why is she eating a salad? She doesn't need to lose weight." Like if you think this is true.
Unknown
447 Likes
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Someone told me to give my ex directions but I told them that DOGS can always find there way home.
Unknown
517 Likes
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