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Funny Dad Jokes Funny Dad Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Dad Jokes Funny Dad Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Cleaning the house for my mom when she's at work because all my step dad does is play video games and won't lift a finger.
Unknown
981 Likes
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Dad didnt call again tonight...Why do I get my hopes up?
Unknown
94 Likes
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If swimming is such a good way to stay in shape; Explain whales...
Unknown
175 Likes
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At the gym Boy doing sit-ups: '1...2...3...' Hot girl walks by Boy: '97...98...99...'
Unknown
193 Likes
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I find it cute how my real dad calls and tries to help me out but my step dad will always be one and only father.
Unknown
53 Likes
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I promised myself to be a better father to my kids then my dad...
Unknown
129 Likes
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A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.
Sam Ewing
2534 Likes
Funny quotes
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People may think he's not perfect but in my mind he's beyond perfect when you're able to look into his eyes and see the real him. Having his arms wrapped around you because he cares more about you than anything, the way he says I love you and those cute little inside jokes nobody else would understand the way he giggles at your jokes even when they aren't even funny or the way he talks about you to his friends it makes you realize how much he means to you. His flaws make him perfect and when I'm around him I feel like everything's okay again and he's the solution to all my problems.
Unknown
564 Likes
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So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'
Henry Youngman
167 Likes
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All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
Mitch Hedberg
3 Likes
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My step dad is more of a father figure then my real dad could ever dream of being.
Unknown
76 Likes
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What do you call a blind German? A not see!
Unknown
133 Likes
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I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run to my sister's house and ask her for money.
Kevin Meaney
175 Likes
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Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side got cut off? He's all right now.
Unknown
52 Likes
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Hi. Um, my camel called...he wants his toe back!
Unknown
59 Likes
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
Spike Milligan
16 Likes
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Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
Mark Twain
50 Likes
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I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.
Unknown
618 Likes
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx
23 Likes
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Lebron: I'm proposing to my girl. Kobe: With what?
Unknown
142 Likes
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