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Funny Death Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Death Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Being fat is nature's way of saying, You're so good, I think I'll make more of you!
Unknown
422 Likes
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When I exercise, I wear all black. It's like a funeral for my fat.
Unknown
137 Likes
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And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say they're funny or they're terrible or they're good, or whatever, but you can just pass 'em by. But with Congress, every time they make a joke, it's a law! And every time they make a law, it's a joke!
Will Rogers
206 Likes
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Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.
Robert Maynard Hutchins
77 Likes
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Don't you hate it when you're doing push-ups and you lose count after 1,000...
Unknown
147 Likes
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If you're on the treadmill next to me, the answer is yes...we are racing.
Unknown
77 Likes
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I don't get why gyms have mirrors...I know what I look like. That's why I'm there.
Unknown
122 Likes
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The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny.
Robert Paul
2280 Likes
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I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens
Woody Allen
116 Likes
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Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Somerset Maugham
307 Likes
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Death was Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Terry Pratchett
300 Likes
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Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
Ron Alderson
69 Likes
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Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
Proverb
277 Likes
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The report of my death was an exaggeration.
Mark Twain
281 Likes
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Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.
George Mikes
11 Likes
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People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.
Hussein Nishah
303 Likes
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For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
Johnny Carson
244 Likes
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It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.
Wanda Sykes
0 Likes
It is old age, rather than death, that is to be contrasted with life. Old age is life's parody, whereas death transforms life into a destiny: in a way it preserves it by giving it the absolute dimension. Death does away with time.
Simone De Beauvoir
5 Likes
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At the gym Boy doing sit-ups: '1...2...3...' Hot girl walks by Boy: '97...98...99...'
Unknown
193 Likes
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